Op-ed: Yes, Women Like Porn Too

By Tamara Jones

Originally published on Advocate.com April 03 2014 5:00 AM ET

It's time to admit something as we truly embrace living in a modern, technological, and sexually evolving society: women watch porn. Not all women, but many of us. But why don't we hear about it? In fact, the prevailing intel is that women don't watch porn. So I decided to tackle the matter myself, by writing a book.

When I decided to take on this subject, I was surprised at the lack of information that was easily available. Initially, performing a simple Internet search about women and porn yielded endless entries on 50 Shades of Grey. While I found the book to be enjoyable, it is hardly pornographic.

So, I'm led back to square one, asking myself, Where are these women? Are they hiding, ashamed, or just plainly embarrassed? Sexuality is the most humanly natural thing in existence, if you think about it, but for some reason, only men are allowed to brag about watching pornography.

It's no secret with them. They swap website suggestions, and talk about which porn stars they find attractive. Women, on the other hand? Not so much.

It seems as though society has taught women to suppress our sexual feelings in public. You know the saying, "Men want a lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets." I think that thinking pervades all women, whether they are gay, straight, bi, or any identity on the map. I also think that religion plays a part in the guilt and shame of masturbation and pornography. Many women I have talked to say they are uncomfortable with "self-pleasure" because of the Bible. Yet in all of my research, I haven't been able to find a verse in the Bible that directly says masturbation is a sin. Usually when someone hits me with the religion and sex talk I just let them talk — more than likely, I can't change their mind if they're prisoners to deeply held shame and guilt.

But I also worry that women shy away from porn because, frankly, some of us don't know enough about ourselves and what we like sexually. These women haven't taken the time to get to know what truly turns them on, and the shame of sexual taboos stemmed from religion and society fuel that. We all have that one "thing" that makes us go crazy. Sometimes the thing that turns you on the most can also scare you.

I discovered at a young age that girls turned me on sexually through watching porn. Whenever I would see two women together it always excited me more than the male-female scenes. I find myself attracted to both sexes while watching porn. I wonder whether this is the exact reason why some women won't indulge in pornography. Some women may feel uncomfortable being turned on by another woman.

Just about every porn movie has a least one girl-on-girl scene in it. Why is this you might ask? Because it's hot! Thats why. Lesbian porn is one of the top sellers within the industry. While some women are afraid of same-sex relations, a lot of women's fantasies are centered on being sexual with another woman.

Personally I know some women who consider themselves straight but enjoy watching lesbian porn. They even watch girl-on-girl scenes with their husbands or boyfriend — only an insecure guy would be intimidated by their female partner getting turned on by another woman.

On the flip side, plenty of women watch gay porn, myself included. The first time I watched was when I was about 19 years old. One of my friends at the time who was a beautiful stripper, introduced me to it. She had at least 10 gay porn tapes stacked up on her TV for all who visited her to see. I had never seen anything like that before. I asked her why she liked gay porn and she replied, "At my job I have done anything and everything with a woman and a man that could possibly be done, so that doesn't turn me on anymore." Watching two guys go at it was the only thing that turned her on.

She convinced me to open my mind and body and watch one. Well, not only did I watch and enjoy it, I had the biggest orgasm. When the man started licking the others man's underarm, forget about it! I was spent. I had never seen anything like that before — and of course I stole that underarm trick. Works like a charm.

There are many ways to embrace our own sexuality, and I truly believe this is one of them — acknowledging what you're turned on by, and not fearing it or feeling shame. Now, I'm not saying to go shout it out at the grocery store that you love porn, but there's no reason for shame, judgment, or fear. Porn will probably be here until the end of time, so I say leave the shame and stereotypes at the door.

 

TAMARA JONES is the author of the ebook Lady And Her Porn.

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