By Frank Lowe
Originally published on Advocate.com March 28 2014 1:37 PM ET
Happy Friday, everybody! This is my weekly Q&A session from Twitter. Anyone can ask me a question in regard to parenting, and I will select a few and answer them here. To submit a question, tweet me @GayAtHomeDad and use the hashtag #AskFrank. Think of me as your bitchy gay Dear Daddy.
Question #1 (from @shanecenters):
Can you ever be too old to become a parent?
A: Here’s the thing, I would love to say no, but I think the whole thing depends on the situation. I became a first-time parent at the age of 32. I still have ample energy to play with my now 4½-year-old, but after a while I become worn out. Even though fitness is a focus in my life, I can’t imagine being able to do the same 20 years from now. That being said, I personally wouldn’t adopt a newborn after the age of say, 45. However, I would highly consider fostering an older child. No matter what, I don’t want to be a 70-year-old trying to keep up with a wild and crazy partying 18-year-old, so bottom line = yes, there’s a limit.
Question #2 (from @NCSugarLips):
How will you handle the sex talk? Will you answer questions about your sex life if he specifically asks?
A: When he is old enough for “the sex talk,” I will certainly tell him all of the ins and outs about all of the ins and outs. I plan to discuss heterosexual sex as well as homosexual sex. I am not going to go into fine detail though. I’m going to be very blunt but just skim the surface. No kid needs to hear about rimming. It’s going to be more of a “bird and the bees, birds and the birds, and bees and the bees” kind of talk. If he has specific questions that are beyond age-appropriate, I will try to be as thorough but as vague as possible.
Question #3 (from @thelittlewreck):
How do you deal with people who suggest that it is somehow “better” to be raised by straight parents?
A: Fortunately I have yet to have anyone say something like that to my face. If that happens, I would essentially challenge them and be as intelligent with my responses as possible. I would also inform them that their opinion doesn’t mean shit to me (again, said in a more intelligent manner). Bottom line is there is no scientific proof either way. There are most likely advantages and disadvantages for both hetero and homosexual parenting. One thing I know for certain, though — my child is growing up in a household that teaches open-mindedness and embraces difference.
Question #4 (from @KingFuryV):
Let’s say two guys are raising a daughter. Who talks to her about puberty when she hits it? A lady friend, perhaps?
A: I have gay friends who are raising daughters. They are basically open and honest with them and don’t make things such as “lady parts” a taboo subject. My approach would be to talk to her myself after studying up on the subject and possibly getting a professional’s advice. If she should have further questions, I would definitely have a lady friend or one of her grandmothers on standby to answer her in depth. Openness and honesty are paramount in my household, and I would want that to carry over into the realm of sexuality, regardless of gender.
Question #5 (from @TeganEffect):
What’s been the most proud part so far? Mine was when my son felt he could come out to us and be proud!
A: That’s amazing. I wish there were more parents like you out there! What a lucky kid. I think for me, my proudest moment was when he gashed his forehead open at his birthday party. There was blood everywhere and it was chaos. He acted like a total champ the whole time and was so incredibly brave. At the hospital, when he was getting his stitches, the doctor asked him about his “mommy and daddy.” He boldly told the doctor “I don’t have a mommy, I have TWO daddies!” It was an incredible moment and I literally had to leave the room to bawl.
FRANK LOWE is The Advocate’s parenting writer. Follow Frank on Twitter @GayAtHomeDad and on Instagram at gayathomedad.