By Frank Lowe
Originally published on Advocate.com April 08 2014 11:04 AM ET
I was fortunate that I was not one of those kids who walked in on their parents fucking. I hear horror stories from people all the time, and the amount of detail that they remember makes it clear that it was traumatizing. Didn't their parents lock their doors? Apparently not. I hear other horror stories about parents who have kids and suddenly don't have sex. That one baffles me a little. Maybe it is some deep biological thing that slows them down, but I can say that from my experience, I only found the whole thing to be a fun new challenge.
Once our infant son came home, there was easily a one-month period where sex just wasn't going to happen. The stress of "keeping the baby alive" dominated our minds, and I don't think either of us even got so much as a boner that month. No porn, no jacking off, no nothing. As we started to get used to this new panic, our blood started flowing again, and in no time we were back in the sack. This coincided with the baby leaving the bassinet that was in our room,and moving into his nursery. We weren't worried about being too loud because he slept so incredibly well and was located a nice distance down the hall.
As he grew we had to get a little more creative, and to be honest, that itself became a turn-on. Nothing seemed hotter than being a nurturing parent to our sweet little baby, and then the second he fell asleep becoming a slut in the bedroom. It was something about the good/bad duality that was never there before. The only real problem was that all of the fun prep (shaving, douching, etc) had to be significantly edited due to time constraints.
That was then.
Now our son is 4½ years old and is completely unpredictable and all over the place, always. Recently we went on a cruise and were thrilled to find a babysitting service where you could drop your kids off and be on your merry way. He loved it, and then daddies had time to get nasty. It was ideal. Back home, however, we have to be very careful now. Sounds are definitely an issue. The last thing we want is for him to knock at our bedroom door asking us, "Why do you want Daddy to pound you?" Can you even imagine? Even worse, if he somehow got in and saw Daddy’s tush in Other Daddy’s face. Yikes. The emotional scars would run so deep, we have to make sure it never happens.
So far we have been capable enough to figure it out. It definitely adds a bit of sneakiness to the fucking, which makes it much more interesting. I can only imagine that by the time he approaches 12 or so, we will have to be 100 percent positive that he is out of the house, and have the alarm set to go off no matter what if he walks in. It could be a fun game for us, like “If you hear the alarm, that’s my safe word.” If things continue as they are, I can’t imagine having a diminished sex drive, but even if we did, I would never say it’s because we became parents. Parenting has been a good factor for us, and now when I call him “Daddy,” I mean it.
FRANK LOWE is The Advocate’s parenting writer. Follow Frank on Twitter @GayAtHomeDad and on Instagram at gayathomedad.