Hooking up, finding love, part 2

By admin

Originally published on Advocate.com July 18 2005 12:00 AM ET

John Egan
Age: 41 Residence: Redfern, Australia
Occupation: University professor Identifies as:
Gay Relationship status: Partnered two years;
married eight months

Maximilian and I
met on Gaydar.com, and it was strictly going to be a
hookup. I had temporarily relocated to Australia for work;
he was weeks out of a 10-year relationship. The first
time we got together we had awesome sex, but there was
that magic of potential there too. A week later we
went to a bad movie and had mediocre Chinese barbecue for
dinner, and the next thing I knew he was sleeping in my
apartment. I’m tickled that he is “the
trick that stuck around”—it reflects our
lives, individually and shared.

David Schuller
Age: 43 Residence: Astoria, N.Y.
Occupation: Legal secretary and actor Identifies
as: Gay Relationship status: Engaged one year

I saw Sean on the
altar every Sunday. I thought he was a priest. I had a
little crush on him, but he’s tiny and preppy, and
I’m a big ol’ bear and never would have
thought he would be interested. When we finally got down
to a face-to-face meeting he was cleaning up the altar after
Mass. I went up to him and said, “Hi,
I’m David,” and he gave me a big hug and said,
“I feel like I know you

already; we
should go out to dinner or for coffee or something.”
We went for beers at a neighborhood bar-restaurant
where my gay friends and I hang out. I started braying
about disappointments in past relationships and how I
just wanted to find a relationship “where two men
find their synthesis, with God as its source, and
aren’t afraid to belong to one another.”
Sean replied, “I believe I can help you with
that.” On our third date I was walking him to
the subway. I gave him a kiss and watched him walk
down the steps, when he sealed the deal: He looked back and
waved goodbye again. I proposed to him six months later.
We’ve been apart maybe three times since then.

Donovan Whitehurst
Age: 32 Residence: San Francisco
Occupation: Account administrator Identifies as:
Gay Relationship status: Partnered two years

I first met Fred
through an online message board I belong to called
DancingBearsSF. It’s a group of huskier, hairier guys
who also happen to dig clubs and house music. We met
on New Year’s Day on a dance floor, both
dressed in pajamas. While I had on some comfy pajama
bottoms, Fred showed up in a baby-blue thermal onesie
with counting sheep all over it. I was utterly
smitten. He asked me for a kiss. The attraction was
instant. Our first date was low-key, romantic, and simple.
He was smart, funny, and very sexy. He told me that he
had become attracted to me through the posts I was
writing for the board. I was flattered—and turned
on even more. I’ve never been one to believe that
people who meet in bars don’t or won’t
last in the long run. I feel the same way about chatting
and meeting folks online. In the end, it’s all about
how you communicate outside those places. If
you’re spending all your time in a bar, you’ve
probably found a great drinking buddy. And if you’re
spending all of your time online, you’re
probably not communicating at all. My partner, Fred,
and I met in both places, and we now share a home and life
together outside of both.

Demi Wiemann
Age: 26 Residence: Janesville,
Wis. Occupation: Graduate student
Identifies as: Lesbian Relationship status:
Partnered two years

I met my
girlfriend, Gaia, at a women’s hockey game at the
University of Wisconsin. I went with a friend, and we
sat next to Gaia. I had a boyfriend at the time, and
according to Gaia, I was so “out of her
league” that she never even thought of pursuing me
romantically. A few weeks later I ran into her at a
local gay dance club. The first thing out of her mouth
was “What’s your beef?” Unassuming, I
replied, “Not much. I am going to Europe in a
week.” I must have misunderstood her, because I
guess her question really was, Do I like girls? She bought
me a drink, and we danced. She smelled amazing. But we
didn’t kiss. Later I went over to watch a movie
at her place. I was in her room, and I remember holding
her hand, to her surprise. After the first movie she asked
me if she could kiss me, and I said yes. Then she
asked me to stay over. I said no but did it anyway.
The next week, when I was in Europe, I thought about
her all the time. Many of my gay and straight friends
question why I am with her. They say I am too hot for
her. This has never made sense to me, because I think
Gaia is beautiful. Right now we are so happy. We have a
dog together and can’t wait to be done with school
next year and eventually buy a house and maybe have
kids. I can’t imagine life without her.

Hooking up, finding
love, part 1

Hooking up, finding
love, part 3