Outspoken: Jude Lizama

By

Originally published on Advocate.com August 28 2005 11:00 PM ET

Ever since I
realized I was gay at age 14, I wanted to confide in my twin
brother, Jacob. But fear got the best of me, so I spent
years thinking, Maybe he will just catch me in the act
someday.

We attended Lakes
High School in Washington State. During my senior year
I finally found my first boyfriend. He was everything I
wanted: He was tall, athletic, smart, funny, caring,
and he had a nice butt.

I fall deeply in
love, but we broke up after only a year. After that he
decided he would come out to his family and everyone else. I
thought maybe it was time to do the same.

Jacob and I both
work for a company that screens videos for pro sports
teams. One night at work Jacob was looking through text
messages on my cell phone and found some I had sent to
my ex-boyfriend. He asked our boss,
Bridgette—who happens to be bisexual—if I was
gay. Then he started telling others he thought I was
gay. That was it. I was done hiding. As my twin
brother, Jacob should have been the first to know.

So I told him my
whole gay life story. I told him I knew I was gay ever
since the eighth grade. I told him about the first guy I had
sex with. I told him about my recent breakup and how
that had hurt me. I told him everything. He was
shocked and said I wasn’t gay. He thought I was
confused. As my twin brother, he argued, “I would
have felt it.” He even thought about jumping
out of the car one day while we were driving down the
freeway.

Around that time
we both started a sociology class at Highline Community
College. Our teacher turned out to be gay. We got to know
him very well, and he helped Jacob come to realize and
understand who I am. Now Jacob helps me look for guys,
and we poke fun at my being gay. It has only been
about four months since I told him, so I think we are doing
great. It’s awesome!