Super Bowl Sunday

By Josh Kilmer-Purcell

Originally published on Advocate.com January 29 2009 12:00 AM ET

Oscar parties.
Fashion Week parties. Halloween parties. White, Black,
Blue, Flaming Technicolor parties. There aren’t many
shindigs in the world that aren’t planned,
attended, or staffed by gay people. But come Super
Bowl Sunday, most of us (the gay guys, anyway) are
sequestered in our homes, oblivious to the rec-room
raves happening all around us. Why? Not because
we’re not invited (we’re invited to
everything). Because we can’t bear to be the
dumbest person in the room on any subject. And when
the subject is football, we’re often three bases
short of a slam dunk. So here are a few Super Bowl
talking points to get you up off your couch and into a
room full of sweaty, huggy, heterosexual men. (Just go easy
on the face paint. Even though you’re an
autumn, it’s customary to wear your
team’s colors.)  

 Super Bowl Sunday The Skin in Pigskin (arthur mount) | advocate.com

THE “SKIN” IN PIGSKIN

There have been
only two streakers in Super Bowl history, both occurring
at Super Bowl XXXVIII. One was a serial streaker from the
United Kingdom named Mark Roberts, and the other was
some chick dancing next to Justin Timberlake.

Super Bowl Sunday golden boy (arthur mount) | advocate.com
  

GOLDEN BOY

The San Francisco
49ers have won five Super Bowls, which puts them in a
three-way tie -- with the Dallas Cowboys and the Pittsburgh
Steelers -- for the most championship wins in the
league. Controversy was stirred for former 49ers
quarterback and Super Bowl XXIX MVP Steve Young -- the
great-great-great-grandson of Brigham Young, the iconic
second president of the Mormon Church -- when
“No on Prop. 8” signs were spotted in his
yard during the 2008 election season. 

 Super Bowl Sunday Sharks vs Jets? (arthur mount) | advocate.com

SHARKS VS. JETS?

The Super Bowl is
the National Football League (NFL) championship game
between the season’s winners of the American Football
Conference (AFC) and the National Football Conference
(NFC). It’s like if the season’s winners
of So You Think You Can Dance and Dancing With the
Stars
had a West Side Story rumble. 

 Super Bowl Sunday Ruled Feathers (arthur mount) | advocate.com

RUFFLED FEATHERS

The original logo
for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers pictured a winking pirate
in a plumed cap, leading to the team’s nickname
“Tampa Gay.” While actually quite fetch,
“Bucco Bruce” was blamed for presiding over 14
years of losing seasons. 

 

 

 

Super Bowl Sunday Aural Assault (arthur mount) | advocate.com
  

 AURAL
ASSAULT

The Chicago Bears
(woof!) are the only sports team to have been nominated
for a Grammy. The Bears’ 1986 single “The
Super Bowl Shuffle” reached number 41 on the
Billboard Hot 100 chart. No dance remixes to date.

 

 

 

 Super Bowl Sunday Go LOng (arthur mount) | advocate.com

GO LONG

A tight
end’s main duties are to block for the running back
or quarterback carrying the ball and catch passes from
the quarterback. Straight men have already heard all
the jokes, so don’t bother.

No Super Bowl has
ever gone into overtime. (Whew!)