Colman Domingo
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17 Tips for Being a Better Top

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3. Alternate your speed.

Many tops simply don’t know how to fuck. They think sex is about sticking their dicks in and pounding like a machine.

Unless the guy you are fucking is looking for that kind of sex, he will probably tell you to slow down or stop.

The spinchter’s natural state is being closed tight, which means you have to go slow at first while he gets used to it. Once he relaxes and gets comfortable and starts to enjoy your cock, only then you can get a little rougher.

As with fisting, the best way to help a guy’s ass relax is with a gentle, steady, in-and-out rhythm. He will tell you how slow to go, and you will know when you can speed up — his body will relax and his hole will automatically open. When this happens, that doesn’t mean you can immediately start jackhammering, but it does mean that you can add in a few harder, faster thrusts between slower, gentler ones and see how he responds to them.

If you are fucking doggy-style and he likes it and starts backing up into you, you can increase your speed. If you’re fucking him missionary-style and he nods or pulls his legs back or grabs your hips or your back and pulls you into him, you’re good to go.

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