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Gay Singles Accept Nonsense That Women Would Never Tolerate

Gay Singles Accept Nonsense That Women Would Never Tolerate


When it comes to interacting with men online, gay and bi men have lowered their standards to embarrassing levels.

I often wonder why same-sex dating is laden with so much more bullshit than straight dating.

I'm not referring to shaving a few pounds off a profile, fudging your height, or sharing an outdated photo from your college days; these examples are annoying, but universal amongst the sexes and genders. I'm referring to the BS that can only be found on same-sex dating and mating sites.

Last week, while leisurely chatting on multiple sites and apps, such as Grindr, Scruff, Adam4Adam, and Realjock, I found the BS was larger than the dino droppings in Jurassic World.

Exhibit 1: A handsome jock in Santa Monica wanted to see a pic of my junk. I replied I have never taken such a photo. He demanded that I start now. When I explained it was not in my future (call me old-fashioned), he explained that he refuses to meet anyone without first seeing their penis. "Even when meeting in a bar?" I asked. "Yep," he replied. Ri-i-ight.

Can you imagine the straight equivalent of this conversation? Has any guy on Tinder ever demanded a vagina pic before agreeing to coffee? Most women would laugh and swipe left.

Exhibit 2: An athletically built torso started a conversation with me on another app. I asked for a face pic. He asked for XXX pics. We both said the other was putting the cart before the horse. He argued the XXX pic was more important. My position was firm in the other direction. So he blocked me.

Can you imagine a woman on OKCupid demanding to see a penis pic before a guy's face pic? Neither can I.

Exhibit 3: A tattooed torso was in town from the Midwest. We chatted briefly. I asked for a face pic for trade. I sent mine, and several hours went by without reciprocation. When I followed up, he apologized for not sending one before. Yet he still made no attempt to send one. So I asked again, and he finally sent one. It was low-resolution, with a ball cap pulled down to his eyes. Naturally I asked for a better one, and I sent three more of my own to help grease the reciprocation. He replied that he deletes his regularly and has no more. I asked for a Facebook link instead. But all I received was crickets.

Can you imagine a straight man going silent when a gal asks for a pic that shows his eyes? I didn't think so.

Exhibit 4: I hit up a torso taking a selfie in a gym locker room. He seemed professional and put together. However, as soon as I asked to trade face pics, he explained there were too many flakes online to do that so quickly. I didn't disagree about the flakes, but I asked what his solution was. He had none. I explained that's part of the gamble of Grindr. He said we should meet in person like real men. I explained that a pic is needed to decide if it's worth spending the time and energy in L.A. traffic for that commitment. I proposed chatting on Facebook. Instead, I got blocked.

Can you picture any single woman in 2015 meeting a guy for coffee who didn't have the balls to show his face on a mobile app? Hell no.

Exhibit 5: A guy unlocked his pics, with only one face pic, hidden in a ball cap, sunglasses, and shadow. I asked if he had any other face images. He replied that he did, yet he made no attempt to email or text them. I asked if he planned to add them to his profile. His reply quickly shot back, "I'm no longer interested." Convenient how that happened only after I asked for a clear headshot.

Can you see a straight guy losing interest in a woman simply because she asked to see a photo of him without shades? Neither can I.

Exhibit 6: I chatted with a profile whose main pic was of his groin, albeit in swim trunks (any groin shot prominently displayed as a profile pic is generally a red flag). All three pics of his were low-res thumbnails. The one face pic was blown out from the sun, and his eyes were hidden behind oversized aviators. I asked if he had any shots without shades. He accused me of being a pic collector. Do these even still exist? I haven't encountered a pic collector in ages -- only guys who use that as an excuse to remain hidden.

Have you ever known a real-life woman whose main profile pic was of her bikini bottoms, in a higher resolution than her face pic? Neither have I.

Exhibit 7: I chatted with a moderately attractive guy who lived mere blocks from me. When I asked if he'd like to meet, he invited me over to hang out with a couple of naked guys showing up to his apartment (ostensibly, they disrobed after they arrived). I declined.

Do straight guys ever invite non-sex worker women over once they've got two others lined up in the same complex? None that I'm aware of.

Exhibit 8: I chatted with a very handsome Spanish guy who had just moved to Los Angeles from New York. He thought there was a connection and wanted to chat over the phone. We did, and he spent 20 minutes trying to coerce me into having unprotected sex with him.

How often does a female insist her partner not wear a condom? According to most of my straight friends, not very often.

None of these instances are even possible in the dating world of my straight friends. In gay and bi male dating, they're not only common but tolerated. If women do not put up with this BS from men, why in the hell should we?

SAMUEL C. SPITALE is a Los Angeles-based writer and founder of Follow him on Twitter @ItGetsWorseBlog.

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Samuel C. Spitale