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Five of the Biggest Lies Gay Men Tell Themselves

Five of the Biggest Lies Gay Men Tell Themselves


Don't get so good at lying to yourself that you start to believe it's true.

Each day, we tell ourselves little lies; just a few half-truths to appease our conscience and let us sleep better at night. Maybe you don't do this, of course, but most of us.

Sometimes, we get so good at the game of self-deceit that we start actually believing the lies we tell. But being dishonest with yourself can only cause you harm, because everyone else can see through the story. At a certain point, we all have to pony up to reality, and accept the truth.

These are five of the biggest lies gay men tell themselves.

Not-a-bitch-x633_0I'm not being a bitch. I'm just being honest.

"I'm sorry, but he looks terrible. He really needs to get back in the gym. I am just being honest."

This is, by far, the biggest lie gay men tell themselves to excuse their ugly behavior. There is a difference between being honest and being mean. Don't use honesty as a justification to air out your own insecurities by tearing down someone else. Honesty is a virtue, but being a bitch is a crutch for low self-esteem.

Drunk-x633_0I didn't mean it. I was really drunk.

"OMG, what did I say to the bartender? I did what in the middle of the street? I am sorry, I was just really drunk."

If you are above the age of 25 and still find yourself having to utter these words on a weekly basis, the jig is up. After so many drunken blunders and sloppy nights, being that sort of drunk becomes less of an excuse and more of a pattern.

You may not have control of the words you choose or the actions you take after your fifth shot of tequila, but you were in control of how much you drank before getting to the point of no return. You know that you have a tendency to black out, say stupid things, or do stupid things after one too many drinks, but you continue to do it anyway. You figure that nobody can fault you for what you say under the heavy influence, so who cares? You can just laugh it off tomorrow.

If this sounds like something you say often, it's time to realize you're only fooling yourself.

Judgemental-x633_0I'm just not a judgmental person.

"Did you see who Tommy is dating? Gross! But you know what, I don't judge."

Here's the truth: if you have to tell people you aren't a judgmental person, you probably are.

No one is expecting you to see past all problems. The key is to catch yourself when you make comments. Acknowledge that you are, in fact, judging someone, and correct yourself. Next time try owning it, admit it, and say it out loud: "You know what, I am just being judgmental."

At least then, you aren't being a jerk.

Love-x633_0You just don't know the real him. He really does love me.

It's the phrase ripped right out of a bad Lifetime Television script. You know it's a cliche, but somehow it finds its way out of your lips on a frequent basis. You don't want to believe it, but you are about as believable as the TV movies you hate-watch.

You know your relationship is over, and he knows your relationship is over -- in fact everyone who knows you knows that your relationship is over. You just aren't yet willing to admit it to yourself.

Almost every gay man has lied to himself about this one at least once or twice. It is merely a part of growing up, and should be a lie that you will learn to tell yourself less and less as you get better at relationships and sick of wasting your time.

Mirror-x633_0I don't fit into any gay stereotypes.

"Just because I am gay doesn't mean it defines me."

So you think you don't fit into any gay stereotypes? Well, my friend, that is possibly the worst stereotype of all. In case you weren't aware, you are the kind of guy who always considers himself separate from gay culture. When someone does exhibit some mainstream gayness -- a love for GaGa or a knack for interior design -- you sneer with disdain. You think it makes you an individual for rebuking all of the gay cliches, but you are a textbook example of the walking, talking homo-superior.

In reality, we all have been an example of a gay stereotype or another. Of course some of us may be more obvious in our homo demeanors and queer interests, but all of us have played into a cliche a time or two, whether we want to admit it or not.

The thing about the lies that you tell yourself is that they only hold you back from being happy. So do yourself a favor and be truthful to yourself. You know, we hear it sets you free.

Advocate Channel - The Pride StoreOut / Advocate Magazine - Fellow Travelers & Jamie Lee Curtis

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