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In Search of a Michele Bachmann Theme Song

In Search of a Michele Bachmann Theme Song


The Roots are known for picking "tongue-in-cheek" songs to introduce guests on the Jimmy Fallon show. That's how band member Questlove described his choice of "Lyin' Ass Bitch" to welcome Republican presidential candidate Michele Bachmann to the stage on Monday. But Bachmann and others have found the song too sexist for late night.

Fallon actually took to Twitter to apologize, saying, "I'm honored that Michele Bachmann was on our show yesterday and I'm so sorry about the intro mess. I really hope she comes back."

If Fallon gets his wish and Bachmann does return, The Advocate's editors came up with a list of song choices that we humbly submit to Questlove for consideration. Please feel free to offer your own suggestions in the comments section.

"Lyin' Eyes"
The Eagles

Whether it's the infamous Newsweek cover that captured Bachmann's emotive eyeballs or her awkward response to the State of the Union delivered seemingly to the corner of the room, Bachmann's peepers get a lot of attention. And if Questlove was trying to raise a red flag about Bachmann's habitual spread of misinformation (claiming, for example, that gays and lesbians can choose to be straight or that LGBT parents are inferior to straight counterparts), here's a song that doesn't call her a "bitch" or a "slut" while making the point. "You can't hide your lyin' eyes, and your smile is a thin disguise," or so the Eagles say.

"Bigmouth Strikes Again"
The Smiths

Despite her regimented answers and her talent for applause lines, first-time presidential candidate Bachmann has found herself backtracking on a few statements during the campaign. Take for example her suggestion that God picked Hurricane Irene as a messenger for his dissatisfaction with out-of-control spending. Echoing the song's lyrics, she later said basically, "I was only joking." If only she weren't so serious about the proposed same-sex marriage ban that launched her career in Minnesota and that she now touts as a prescription for the nation.

A Theme: "Crazy"
Various Artists

A hidden-camera sting by activists at Truth Wins Out caught her husband's Christian counseling clinics offering to counsel the gay out of one of its patients. All of the major psychological associations agree that the so-called reparative therapy promoted by the Bachmanns will actually damage patients. And so our editors had more than a few little ditties to pick from. "Crazy Train" from Ozzy Osborne was tempting, given that Michele Bachmann once gave the opening blessing to an entire "ex-gay" conference. In the end, we couldn't decide between Gnarls Barkley's "Crazy" for its simple question, "Does that make me crazy? Possibly," and David Lee Roth's admission that "I'm goin' coconuts but least I'm goin' my way."

"Devil Inside"

It's not likely that INXS imagined someone like Bachmann when singing, "Here comes the woman, with the look in her eye." But Bachmann seems to believe that some people do indeed have the devil inside. The Minnesota congresswoman said in 2004 that gay and lesbian people "live a very sad life" that is "part of Satan" with "sexual dysfunction and sexual identity disorders."

"Send in the Clowns"
From Stephen Sondheim's A Little Night Music

Amid repeated campaign stops and debates, the crowd might need a breather from all that serious talk. But they might just come to the same conclusion as the song. "Where are the clowns? Quick, send in the clowns. Don't bother, they're here."

Advocate Magazine - KehlaniAdvocate Magazine - Gus Kenworthy

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