12/14 - Whatever, Martha: I lied. Here’s another one you
should see. She’s forcing children to help her make a complicated
“Christmas Gingerbread House.” You want to watch this. Trust me.

12/15 - La Buche/A Christmas Tale: IFC’s been airing the latter recently, a 2008 French bummer starring Catherine Deneuve. It’s about a family of people who dislike each other. The other one, La Buche, stars the incredible Charlotte Gainsbourg. It’s also about a French family who dislike each other and dislike Christmas too. But it’s a comedy.

12/16 - Larry the Cable Guy’s Hula-Palooza Christmas Luau: It’s got Tony Orlando. Look, did you see Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector? Did you? Don’t tell me I’m wrong until you’ve seen that one. I will also enjoy Ernest Saves Christmas on this day. After all the fancy French film viewing, you’ll need a little balance.

12/17 - The Christmas Shoes (pictured): Based on the mind-bogglingly awful pop song about a mommy dying at Christmas and her stupid kid trying to buy her some shoes for when she goes to “meet Jesus.” They made a TV movie to go with it. Better yet, just go watch the YouTube clip of Patton Oswalt ripping it to hilarious shreds.

12/18 - Christmas Evil/Black Christmas: The former is about a disgruntled and maniacal toy factory employee who thinks he’s Santa Claus. Then ... well, just watch it. The latter is the 1974 film from the director of A Christmas Story. No one gets a BB gun in this one. And all these years later it’s still supercreepy and frightening.

12/19 - The Decorating Adventures of Ambrose Price: It’s on Logo and it’s about this gay who decorates. I know, shocker. But this episode is about how to wrap gifts so that they’re not run-of-the-mill ugly, just gay-ugly.

Tags: television