1. Wear Matching Outfits
One of the best things about being gay is not being shamed for caring about what you wear. Green and gold don’t work on everyone, but Aaron Rodgers and the rest of the Packers can really pull it off. And the Colts only wear white pants after Labor Day.
2. Slap Other Men’s Asses
Because everyone knows that “good job” means more when you say it from hand to butt.
3. Dance It Out
The old stereotype is that straight guys can’t dance. But during a game, when football players break the plane, they shatter the glass dance floor. Boy, do these boys let loose when they can. Get them in the end zone, and let the party begin.
4. Shower With Other Guys
Sure, there’s a lot of reasons for group showers. After all, much of our nation is in a drought. But that doesn’t make them any less hot. (Now we might have to take a cold shower ourselves.)
5. Reach Between a Man’s Legs
Blue forty-two, blue forty-two, hut, hut — heads up, straight boys, calling it a “snap” doesn’t make it any less gay.
6. Huddle With Best Buds
Go hard, go long, and then let’s go hard again. You know, just for fun.
7. Celebrate Sunday Funday
It’s got to be rough to be a straight guy. They only found out about brunch about three years ago. Before that, they had to be in a stadium or glued to their TV to justify some middle-of-the-day, end-of-the-week drinking. Meanwhile, gay men have been celebrating Sunday Funday since it was just called Sunday.
8. Give One Another Matching Rings
In the United States, same-sex couples have only been able to legally exchange wedding bands for less than a year. But there have been Super Bowl rings for the last 50 years. And my, aren’t they fabulous?