Santa? Or Satan?

Well, I can see that our yearly campaign to de-sexualize Santa, to let him remain a wholesome icon for children, is waging a losing battle. Greeting cards, commercials, and especially stock image companies keep injecting sex hormones into Kris Kringle. We have compiled some helpful images and videos on the following pages as bad examples for your education. Join us in the crusade to clean up Santa Claus's image. If these samples whet your appetite for moral rectitude, then you will certainly find succor in our slide shows from last year and the year before.

Santa's considering your naughtiness/niceness index to calibrate your gifting experience. If you have been good this year, Santa might let you help shave his chest.

More bad Santa examples on the following pages. Please shield your children's eyes.>>>

Does this red suit make me look fat?

Nothing quite heralds the holidays like a big gun show.

A very mixed and troublesome holiday message. If I remember the '80s correctly, Santa seems to be considering the gift of cocaine while copping a squat on his big silky bag.

- Santa's dirty pillows.

Looks like Santa's big gift bag may have red hair all over it.

Mommy? Why is Santa so oily?

We offer you "Super Sexy Santa Claus." From Norway, which might explain a few things.

I may quit my job and go to work at a stock photo agency. I mean, look how much fun they have -- and they get paid for it!

First of all, Santa does not smoke. Plus, if he did smoke he wouldn't do it with a slender nelly hand all up in the air like that. And, um, where is Santa's wedding ring? Either he's on the down low, or he and the Lady Claus are shacking up. By these examples we can see that Santa took a deep spin into self-destructive behavior in the mid-century.

Bear Explosion's "Beary Christmas." OK, I relent. This is cute.

And for all you valued viewers who claim we only post images of young men with too many abs, a special holiday treat for you!