Let me state this at the beginning: I am a bottom. A marathon-sex, Preparation-H, take-dick-like-a-champ bottom. I tend to outlast tops. Ten tops looking for a bottom? No problem.
Why, then, am I writing this article? Because there is no one better to ask about topping than a bottom. And although we generally present these sex roles as fixed, here is an unavoidable truth that most gay men of a certain age will tell you: Even if you start off batting for one team or another, most of us become versatile over time.
Sure, there are a few lifelong total tops out there, but many gay men begin to see the silliness of closing ourselves off to an entire half of the sodomy experience. I have found myself in an increasing number of situations where I want to make the men I like feel good. This means rising to the occasion — literally — and topping them.
Most tops could use a lesson on how to top better, and most self-identified bottoms will at some point be at the altar of his ass, ready to worship but unsure of what to do. Whichever way you lean, browse my 17 tips on how to be a better, beastly top.
A Word of Warning From Writer Alexander Cheves
My name is Alexander Cheves, and I am known by friends in the kink and leather community as Beastly. I am a sex-positive writer and blogger. The views in this slideshow do not reflect those of The Advocate and are based solely on my own experiences. As with everything I write, the intent of this piece is to break down the stigmas surrounding the sex lives of gay men.
Those who are sensitive regarding frank discussions about sex are invited to click elsewhere, but consider this: If you are outraged by content that addresses sex openly and honestly, I invite you to examine this outrage and ask yourself whether it should instead be directed at those who oppress us by policing our sexuality.
For all others, enjoy the slideshow. And feel free to leave your own suggestions for sex and dating topics in the comments.
Hungry for more? Follow me on Twitter @BadAlexCheves and visit my blog, The Beastly Ex-Boyfriend.