But you made it through. Are you glad you did it?
No! First of all,
the lipo for me was a complete waste. I didn’t realize that there was a
thing called diet and exercise that works better. I actually thought
that I could go to a plastic surgeon and come out looking like Jennifer
Aniston. But it didn’t go my way.
Something is working for you. I
have a friend who is 24 and when I told her I was going to be talking
with you, all she could talk about was finding out how you got your
awesome body.

Oh yeah, I have a bangin’ bikini bod. Which Paris
Hilton, my BFF, revealed to me. ʼCause Paris got me in a bikini for the
first time in like fucking 10 years, and then when the paparazzi took
our pictures -- because, golly gosh, I wonder who called them? -- next thing
you know, I’m pretty much splitting my time between gay activism and
bikini modeling. I’m being tugged in both directions.

I’m only doing one of those things, fortunately for the rest of the world.
I assume it’s bikini modeling!

Yes, exactly. 
I feel your pain.

[Laughs] Any hot lesbian action in your book?
would love to have a hot lesbian relationship, but, I’m gonna be honest,
I would probably be doing it for the publicity. Currently, I think the
best person I could have a lesbian relationship with would be Kate
Gosselin from Jon & Kate Plus 8. Because I think that would get us
on the cover of Us Weekly faster than anything.

She kind of has that look going on. Suze Orman hair.
exactly, she already has the lesbian haircut. I could get a matching
haircut and I would be happy to go down on her and then, accidentally,
the paparazzi are there!

Some pictures for your next book?
Yeah! If not, I think maybe a lesbian one-nighter with Dina Lohan could be a good photo op.

That would be…brave.
Exactly. It would be One Night in Heaven in Long Island.

Tags: Books