5 Gay Things About the RNC's First Day

BY Lucas Grindley

August 29 2012 1:38 PM ET

The Onion's photo illustration. Check out a larger version with its satirical story using the link in item no. 5.

The first day of the Republican National Convention came with the confirmation of its antigay platform, a speech from one of its most prominent antigay voices, and then GOProud got stood up at its big gay pride party. A review:

(1) Antigay messenger Rick Santorum spent most of his time talking about welfare and hands — those of his grandfather, other Americans, and his disabled daughter. It was a refrain he decided to draw out after political pundits raved about a speech during the primary when Santorum first shared the personal recounting. He was struck as a boy by the hard work his late grandfather's hands represented as he lay in his casket. But Santorum also made sure to mention the importance of "traditional marriage" and connected its continuation to the very foundation of society. (Read more and watch the speech at The Advocate)

(2) MSNBC's Rachel Maddow really didn't like New Jersey governor Chris Christie's keynote speech. "This speech not only I think was a bad speech, I think that this was one of the most remarkable acts of political selfishness I have ever seen on a stage this big," she said immediately afterward. "This was a 2,600-word speech in which he used nearly 1,800 of those words before he first said the name Mitt Romney." Part of the problem cited by other observers is that Christie is full of contradictions. In his speech he said "respect" was more important than "love," right after Ann Romney had said it should be all about love. And earlier this week he criticized California governor Jerry Brown for saying a string of new tax proposals should be put up for a referendum. "Man, that's leadership, isn't it?" Christie said, according to Politico. Of course, Christie is famous among LGBT voters for having vetoed a marriage equality law and then suggesting it should be put up to voters. (Watch Maddow's reaction on MSNBC and check out Christie's smackdown of Jerry Brown via Politico)

(3) GOProud has called Ann Coulter the Judy Garland of its social set. And so GOProud was truly excited to report that the conservative political commentator would be attending its big Homocon party in Tampa's Ybor City. Well, she didn't show. The Tampa Bay Times reports on GOProud's disappointment at being stood up. (Read a story from the event via The Tampa Bay Times) Update: Jimmy LaSalvia of GOProud says they never expected Coulter to attend.

(4) In confusing news about discrimination, two people attending the RNC were apparently booted after throwing nuts at a black CNN camerawoman and saying, "This is how we feed the animals." CNN confirmed that the crazy incident really happened. But another story about seeming convention racism spreading online isn't as clear-cut. A speaker from Puerto Rico took the podium and attempted to address the crowd but appeared to be shouted down with chants of "USA, USA." Republican National Committee chairman Reince Priebus had to step in to quiet the crowd. News reports say the audience wasn't reacting to her thick Latino accent, as it seems in the video, but rather to hubbub created by Ron Paul supporters. (Read about the CNN incident and then watch the Puerto Rico video)

(5) The Onion's "coverage" of the RNC continues with its biting portrayals. This time, the headline is "Gay Marine Beaten to Bloody Pulp to Fire Up RNC Crowd." And the frightening photo (illustration) accompanying the satire shows Mitt Romney, Rick Santorum, and Paul Ryan beating a bloodied Marine. "As the frothing crowd of more than 5,000 delegates, alternate delegates, and volunteers leapt to their feet, Sens. Marco Rubio and Rand Paul charged out onto the stage with baseball bats," The Onion wrote to make its punch line. "According to sources, Rubio went to work on the gay man’s legs while Paul concentrated on his back and abdomen, sending attendees seated in the front row into fits of delight each time they were splattered with blood." (Check out what has to be one of The Onion's most biting satires ever)

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