36 Essential Items for Your First Gay Sex Dungeon
| 01/25/18
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Anywhere can be a dungeon if you're willing to forgo polite family visits, but few people want to eat and watch TV on the furniture where someone gets fisted or flogged. We like to dedicate that part of our lives to its own space, removed from the comforts of regular living. And I think it's healthy to do so -- for the same reason I think it's healthy to come out of submission and dominance, out of kink and fetish play, at regular intervals, like coming up for air. You shouldn't live in it.
When you leave the dungeon, you're David with a vintage comic book collection and an affinity for Asian cuisine. When you enter, you're Sir or slave or Master or dog. You're a sadistic fist pig, skilled rope bunny, or spoiled brat in need of discipline. Sex dungeons facilitate this crossover, this journey of self. They're spaces that let you fully be what you are.
Want to create one? Here are my suggestions for the basic tools. You don't need all of them -- some items on this list are catered to certain fetishes over others -- but you'll absolutely see some essentials here that everyone should have. Play nice, boys.
My name is Alexander Cheves, and I am known by friends in the kink and leather community as Beastly. I am a sex-positive writer and blogger. The views in this slideshow do not reflect those of The Advocate and are based solely off of my own experiences. Like everything I write, the intent of this piece is to break down the stigmas surrounding the sex lives of gay men.
Those who are sensitive to frank discussions about sex are invited to click elsewhere, but consider this: If you are outraged by content that address sex openly and honestly, I invite you to examine this outrage and ask yourself whether it should instead be directed at those who oppress us by policing our sexuality.
For all others, enjoy the slideshow. And feel free to leave your own suggestions of sex and dating topics in the comments.
Hungry for more? Follow me on Twitter @BadAlexCheves and visit my blog, The Beastly Ex-Boyfriend. Photo by Jon Dean.
A permanent sling is a commitment. You've dedicated the space to fucking. You've put eye bolts in the ceiling and hung straps or chains from them for the express purpose of keeping a sling there.
The chains or straps can be pulled up out of the way, and the sling can be taken down and stowed, but the eye bolts remain. Creative dominants may use them for other things like rope bondage, suspension bondage, cuff restraint, and so on.
I know at least two New Yorkers who keep permanent slings in the bedroom, pretenses be damned. I know several guys across the country who have a separate room somewhere in the house or attached to the garage (a modified basement or ventilated sex attic) they've dedicated to keeping a sling and other sex furniture. While a built-in sling might take up a lot of space and be in the way when not in use, it's not too expensive.
The word "sling" only defines the part you lie in, the "bed," the small rectangular or triangular piece of leather or nylon canvas (the two most common materials) where you rest on your back with your legs up. You'll need to buy a sling -- I offer my suggestion below -- plus straps or chains and some way to fasten them to the ceiling.
Chains are classic. They make us think of '80s-era sex dungeons and the Saint and classic European dungeons still in operation. But chains get frustrating, as they require you to unclip them and count links in order to adjust the height. That's why many guys opt for adjustable nylon straps with pull tabs to change length. Some have ratchets like the straps furniture users move.
My Recommendations: Red Master Leather Sling from Fetters UK and Red Adjustable Strap Set from Fetters UK
Most portable slings are sling cubes. These are box-like metal frames you assemble to form a cube-like structure from which you hang a sling in the middle. Not all portable sling frames are box-shaped, though. Some are three-point, making a sort of triangle, like the Red Heavy Duty Sling Frame from Fetters UK.
Disassembled, most fit in a large duffel bag. You can throw it in a coat closet or under the bed. These are an ideal option for people who don't have space for a permanent sling or who may want to take their assfuckery on the road. These are hard to fly with but not impossible, and they're easy to throw in the trunk of a car.
I find myself in portable slings most often. At a recent sex party in San Francisco, three walls of a large room were lined with portable slings that a setup crew assembled prior to the event. I've assembled countless ones myself -- they're easier to set up with a buddy, but you can certainly assemble one yourself. At Mid-Atlantic Leather last weekend, portable slings were propped up in hotel room windows, usually with guys in them, curtains wide for all to see.
On more intimate occasions, I've gone to small groups in guys' homes and we've assembled one together in the living room. A note on terminology, since it gets confusing: While "sling" only defines the bed, the part you lie in, many people in casual conversation call the full contraption -- frame, sling, and straps -- a "sling."
My Recommendation: FT Rock Steady Sling Stand Basic Kit from Fort Troff.
Hey you, good boy, don't rule out a cage if you're not into pup play (one of various pet play fetishes). Cages aren't just for sex puppies, degradation dogs, and folks who like to whimper and bark. A cage is a good place to keep your submissive when not in use while keeping head space and staying in the scene.
Don't keep him in there all day -- the body isn't made to stay bent in a cage for long periods of time -- but if he needs more training and you need a break, a cage can be a nice lull during a session.
Buy a cage made for people, not dogs, since most cages are your local pet store are too flimsy and too small. You can get them at many fetish retailers. One downside: Cages take up a lot of space for a relatively simple use and purpose, so make sure you have the space to accommodate one.
My Recommendation: Customizable Puppy Cage from Fetters UK.
A fuck bench isn't just for fucking. You can do a lot with a fuck bench -- bondage, fisting, paddling, spanking, and so on. For this reason there is no single fuck bench design.
Some sex furniture makers call their bench a fuck bench, others a paddle bench, others a spanking bench, others a fisting bench. At their simplest, fuck benches are padded tables, usually covered in leather, which you bend over, doggy-style, and rest on your forearms, stomach, and shins. There are usually anchor points where your arms, legs, and torso can be strapped down for an added element of bondage. Your ass stays up, available for whatever your dominant decides to do to it.
Fuck benches may be large and elaborate or small and minimal. Find one you love.
My Recommendations: Adjustable Fuck Bench from JimSupport and Fucking Bench by Fetters.
Those of us devoted to the art and science of anal sex have a common problem with most slings -- their softness. You crunch in them. When resting in a soft leather or nylon sling, your back bends a little bit. This might seem fine in the beginning, but after a couple hours you'll notice the lower lumbar pain.
If you're into fisting (another great use of a sling), you might find yourself wishing your back and spine were straight, as if you were resting on a plank. This is impossible in a soft sling.
For this reason, we have rigid slings, which are essentially flat, hanging boards that are padded and cushioned and usually covered in leather. It feels more like a hanging bed and makes the possibility of fucking doggy-style in a sling much easier.
My Recommendation: Sling Board With Adjustable Head Rest from JimSupport.
Nearly every kink retailer makes some variation of the shoulder sling. At its simplest, a shoulder sling is a strap that goes behind your neck with padded loops or stirrups to slide your feet into, keeping your legs pulled back (more or less the same position you'd be in in a traditional sling). Most have a pillow for the neck to keep the strap from digging into your skin.
A shoulder sling is small enough to fit in a carry-on, making it the ultimate travel sling. Some say they're not actually that comfortable or useful, and that's probably true, but they're great for fisting. Pack one for a weekend getaway with your fisting top and think of me.
My Recommendation: FT Porta Plow from Fort Troff.
They resemble sawhorses -- the things carpenters lay planks of wood across for cutting. You straddle them doggy-style and rest on your chest and stomach. Most have anchor points for your arms and legs to be strapped down. Your ass stays up, as it should.
My Recommendation: Spanking Horse MK1 from Fetters UK.
The standard bondage table is a body-shaped, bed-like table where you lie on your back, usually with straps to fasten your arms and legs in. Most are covered in straps and buckles, and may have hinged, separate tables for the legs that allow them to be spread.
A good bondage table makes a submissive immobilized and very vulnerable. Bondage tables are great for CBT (cock and ball torture), nipple play, electro play, tickling, milking, edging, and other kinks.
My Recommendation: Rope Bondage Table from Fetters UK.
If you're a pup, you need knee pads. If you're a human dog into rough degradation play, you need knee pads. If you're a hole for hard use and need to stay down or bent over on your hands and knees, you need knee pads. If you're a pony, you need knee pads. If you're a devoted cocksucker, you need knee pads.
If you have plans to spend any amount of time kneeling on the floor, licking Sir's boots, swallowing loads for the group, or being showered in jizz, you need knee pads. If you're a devoted circuit queen who may at some point be kneeling on the dance floor, you need knee pads. Knee damage is real -- and preventable.
You don't need a fancy set of knee pads. Visit your nearest athletic goods store or anywhere that carries wrestling gear. Impact athletes know the importance of protecting the knees. You should too.
My Recommendation: Tactical Knee Pads From Mr. B Amsterdam.
Stirrups are leg loops that you attach to the chains or straps of a sling. After you climb in, you slide your feet through the loops and let them rest around your ankles or under the backs of your knees. Stirrups keep your legs elevated and spread -- an essential for fisting, and important if you're planning to have a rough, long fuck session and want to really let go.
It's a conscious effort to keep your legs up, and when you're focused on taking cock, it's better to have as few conscious efforts as possible. Stirrups might seem like a small and trivial purchase, but they make a big difference.
My Recommendation: Sling Stirrups from Mr. S Leather
A staple of any gay sex dungeon is a good, heavy set of metal manacles -- usually for the wrists, but ankle manacles are good too. Manacles are medieval-looking, dungeonesque accoutrements of capture, calling to mind damp torture chambers. Locked in these, he's not going far. Pro tip: Always have a spare key close by -- close enough for him to grab in an emergency.
My Recommendation: Manacles Set Black from Fetters UK.
You can't have too many. Double-ended metal clips are used primarily for bondage cuffs, but they have countless other uses in a dungeon that you won't think of till you need them.
I work on a fetish porn set. We keep a wheeled metal rack that holds everything -- lube, electrical wires, wipes, sex toys, and so on. We keep them in clear plastic bags with holes poked through, hung from the rack on double-ended metal clips. This keeps toys close at hand and not thrown in a bin somewhere -- a useful trick I recommend for everyone.
My Recommendation: Double Clasp Clips (Set Of Four) from Fort Troff.
Another endlessly useful bondage tool. You may use them to fasten cuffs to collars, ankle cuffs to wrist cuffs, wrist cuffs to thigh cuffs, and so on. You need plenty. Get several sets of sturdy metal carabiners and keep them in one place.
My Recommendation: Carabiner (2 Pack) from Fort Troff.
Before my last Sir introduced padded leather cuffs to our play, I had only used handcuffs. Padded cuffs are essential for any kind of cuff suspension, which is what he wanted to do. Splurge on some good padded leather wrist cuffs with a locking buckle -- and old-school, ever-reliable bondage feature -- and take care of them. They'll last you for years. We develop a warmth and appreciation for a good set of worn-out cuffs.
My Recommendation: Customizable Padded Leather Wrist Cuffs from Fetters UK.
Same as wrist cuffs, just slightly bigger to accommodate the ankles. When buying locks and keys, ask for double and triple sets, and pay extra for them.
My Recommendation: Customizable Padded Leather Ankle Cuffs from Fetters UK.
Irons may be for the wrists, ankles, or both. I like both. These are rigid rings that lock on a flat metal bar. When you have a double rigid iron, you stay bent over in an extremely vulnerable position with your ass available for use. Turn him on his side and fuck that hole sideways.
My Recommendation: Double Rigid Irons Black from Fetters UK.
A posture collar is more of an aesthetic collar than a functional one, but as a submissive who has worn several, I can say a posture collar makes you feel incredibly vulnerable. If something is being done to the body and we detect sensation, we generally like to look at it.
When you're kept from doing so (a posture collar keeps you from dipping your chin or moving your neck), you feel very helpless -- and that's the point. It's an awesome exercise in trust and submission.
My Recommendation: Simple Posture Collar by Mr. S Leather.
Some guys when collared might mistakenly believe that you're laying claim over them or giving them a sort of title, asserting your ownership over them outside the scene, and so on -- so if that's not your intention, be careful with collars.
In kink, we collar pups and submissives and even our partners in lieu of wedding bands to say "mine" or "owned," "you're mine," and "I love you." If that's what you're looking to do -- if you and your submissive have discussed your relationship and you're both ready to take that step -- go with him to get a fitted chain. Discuss what you both think the collar means.
If you're just collaring him for the duration of the scene, discuss this clearly beforehand. Don't let there be any ambiguity about what the collar symbolizes or what duration of time it's going to be on. If you're not ready to have some sort of labeled relationship with him, do not let him wear the collar home.
My Recommendation: Go to your nearest hardware store (Home Depot for most folks in the United States) and find a piece of chain that feels appropriately thick and heavy. Measure it around your neck as loose or tight as you like (don't go too tight). They'll cut it for you. The cost will be drastically cheaper than anything you find in a fetish store.
You can likely find an appropriate lock there also, but I suggest purchasing a dozen (or more) of Mr. S Leather's brass Master Lock lock and key sets. All the locks and keys are the same -- a helpful bit of info in case you ever lose track of which key goes to which lock or lose one and need to order more.
All the interpretations of chain collars noted previously are what we call "collar code," and experienced kinky people respect it. A leather collar is more acceptable as a onetime kinky accoutrement -- something used during a puppy play scene, for example, and nothing more.
If leather is too costly or feels too serious, go for neoprene -- the material they make scuba suits out of. Neoprene is its own widely fetishized material, and one benefit it offers is a considerably cheaper price than leather.
My Recommendations: Piped Leather Collar from Fetters UK and FT Collar (neoprene) from Fort Troff (pictured).
Gags and gagging (getting gagged) is one of my biggest fetishes. Nothing delivers me into subspace faster than someone shutting me up.
Different gags serve different purposes: Some produce a hot "mmm-mmm" sound, particularly ones that fill the mouth. Others keep the mouth open, turning your sub into a drooling mess (ring gags and rubber horse bits). Other gags simply cover the mouth, like tape. A ball gag -- probably the most widely known gag -- doesn't restrict talking very much at all, but it has a hot, iconic visual. Learn what you like to look at, what you like to wear, and what you like to hear, and invest in good gags.
My Recommendations: So many! Inflatable Butterfly Gag With Leather Strap from Mr. S Leather. Urinal Piss Gag from Oxballs. Inflatable Ball Gag from Fetters UK. Silicone Open Mouth Gag from Regulation London. Spider Gag and Strap from Regulation London.
A light-blocking blindfold that keeps pressure off the eyes is hard to come by. The best examples of these are blindfolds that are concave, bowl-shaped. If you can wear it and still blink comfortably, it's s good one. The difference is felt after wearing it a short time. Pressure against the eyes is uncomfortable during a long scene.
My Recommendations: Ultimate Blindfold from Mr. S Leather (pictured) and Asylum Muzzle from Mr. S Leather.
A spreader bar has D-rings you can cuff someone's arms or legs into at either end, and keep their legs or arms spread (a mean feature when your fetish is tickle torture or nipple torture or rough fucking). There are truly hundreds of rope bondage positions that use and require a spreader bar or something like it that you can look up -- a fact which makes a good adjustable spreader bar among the most versatile kinky tools.
My Recommendation: FT Spread N Lock from Fort Troff.
Great for abduction scenes, caging, isolation, interrogation, and fag training, a good set of handcuffs is perhaps the most iconic symbol of kink. Recall the Tom of Finland leather boys with handcuffs hanging from their belt loops -- we've been cuffing each other as jail bait and taken the role of horny cop and commanding officer for some time.
My Recommendation: Darby Handcuffs from Fetters UK.
Anyone have a medical fetish? Need to teach your tortured patient a thing or two? Does he need a rectal examination, or get large and strange things poked and prodded up his hole? You might want to put him in a straitjacket.
These come in their authentic cloth, but you can also find them made of leather, rubber, neoprene, and more.
My Recommendations: Tie Down Canvas Straitjacket from Fetters UK and Rubber Straitjacket from Regulation London (pictured).
Great for good boys, bad boys, bad dogs, and people you want to see you but don't want them to speak -- submissives who are ready for a full head harness + gag that keeps them quiet and obedient through a long rough session.
A head harness typically combines everything I love -- gag, blindfold, and buckles -- and they look sexy to wear. Ask Sir to take a picture of you in it.
My Recommendations: Asylum Muzzle from Mr. S Leather. Rubber Muzzle from Regulation London (pictured). Bishop Head Harness from Mr. S Leather.
Next step up from a head harness? A hood -- something that blocks vision and light, muffles or completely blocks sound, and allows you to really disconnect from the world outside. A hood offers ultimate vulnerability and forces you to focus on your body and your breathing, and fully depend on someone else to carry you through the experience.
There are very simple hoods and very extreme hoods -- hoods designed for total sensory deprivation and hoods that inflate to create muffled sound and pressure. There are breathplay hoods that only allow you to breathe through a tiny tube, which may be squeezed or stopped by someone at any time.
A hood is the ultimate trust. Work up to more extreme hoods and start with ones that comfortably let you see and breathe and open your mouth.
My Recommendations:FT Skullfuck Hood Red by Fort Troff (pictured, left). Heavy Duty Rubber Hood with Nose Holes from Fetters UK (pictured, right; milder versions of this hood with open eyes and mouth are available). Heavy Duty Hood with Three Straps by Regulation London.
Everyone plays on a bed at some point, which means everyone has to worry about staining sheets and destroying a perfectly good mattress. Silicone lube will create permanent stains on sheets and other fabric. Waterproof play sheets offer a protective layer for those who want a perfectly clean bed after playtime is over.
If you're into piss play or fisting, you have reason to fear fluids making a mess. Rubber play sheets make a world of difference when you're using gobs of oil-based lube or J-lube (which requires salt to break down and clean up).
My Recommendation: Waterproof Funsheets by Sheets of San Francisco.
In a stuffy attic, I once had my entire head wrapped in vet wrap -- also called bandage wrap -- with tiny slits for my nostrils so I could breathe. Vet wrap is that clingy, woven wrap that doctors dress wounds with or that wrestlers wrap their wrists with.
Vet wrap is one of the most useful BDSM tools. It makes a great gag and can be used for bondage, mummification, and more. Unlike tape, it breathes, and it only sticks to itself, not your skin. Best part: It's cheap. You can buy vet wrap in bulk on Amazon for a few dollars.
My Recommendation:Amazon!.
Bondage tape is very thin PVC tape that only sticks to itself, not skin. Many fetish retailers carry their own brand, and they're all pretty similar. The goal for someone who loves seeing guys taped up and squirming is to get as much tape as possible (as big a roll as you can find) for the best price.
Bondage tape is an essential. Because it only sticks to itself, you can use it as an impromptu gag or blindfold, and if you use enough, you can completely restrain someone without fussing with complex knot-tying techniques or cutting off circulation -- concerns that come with rope -- so long as you don't wrap it too tight.
On porn sets, we've had guys completely immobilized by wrapping their arms, legs, and torso to a weight bench with bondage tape. It's a hot visual and very effective.
Added safety feature: You can always cut bondage tape off with safety scissors in seconds, without having to fuss with difficult knots. Downside: Bondage tape is usually single-use, since you nearly always have to cut it off.
My Recommendation:Mega-Roll Bondage Tape from Fort Troff.
Getting my mouth taped shut was my first sexual fantasy. I watched Disney characters and superheroes get captured and gagged, and wanted to squirm and make that hot muffled sound too, for reasons I didn't understand then. I do now.
There are a multitude of wonderful gags in the world, but nothing has the distinct look (or pain element) of classic duct tape.
Note: Duct tape is not an option for people with a lot of facial hair, as it will rip it out.
My Recommendation: You guessed it. Amazon!
Also called interrogation chairs, these can be very simple or elaborate. Many bondage chairs have high backs that someone's head and neck can be fastened to, keeping them sitting upright. Most have D-rings or some sort of adjustable strap to keep arms, legs, and waist in the chair. Bondage chairs are great for nipple torture and e-stim.
My Recommendation: Bondage Chair by Fetters UK.
One could argue that an electro play set is not an essential for someone assembling their first sex dungeon -- particularly if you're not into electrical play. I suggest a starter kit, something with low power and low sting.
E-stim is building in popularity. It seems every other person I run into has discovered the wonders of electrical play. Low voltage on the skin can feel like anything from a gentle, buzzing tissue massage to a harsh sting if you crank it up. Some guys can cum hands-free from e-charged cock rings or electrodes on the inner thighs. An e-stim butt plug pulses in your ass and feels like it's really fucking you. All this equates to a widely varied sensory overload.
Want to give it a try -- or try it on someone else? Keep safety in mind. Play nowhere near the heart line -- an imaginary line drawn between the nipples and around the chest, where your heart is. If you're not sure where the best zones are to shock, only enjoy e-stim from the waist down. That's where the most fun is anyway.
My Recommendation: Basic Electro Kit by Fort Troff.
With the right music, you don't need tons of gear. Music is the most underappreciated feature of a play space and -- in my humble opinion -- the most essential.
Bondage furniture and slings get costly. They're great if you can afford them, but many can't. But don't fret. Your bedroom can be perfect with the right light and the right sound.
That's the truth of it -- you don't need much. A good fisting date is a bed with sheets and blankets laid down that you don't mind getting messy -- I usually throw down old red blankets -- with good lube and good music. Bondage? All you need is rope or vet wrap. If you're into scenes that require tools -- spanking, paddling, other forms of S&M toy play, sounding, and so on -- you don't need a lot of space or a lot of furniture. You need chemistry, communication, and music that helps you get in the mood. For fisting especially, I like slower electronic music.
My Recommendations: Anything by TR/ST -- Robert Alfons' one-man entity of queer, mopey after-hours EDM -- and his inspiration, Depeche Mode. DJ M. Arana makes classic sex club music. A recent post in an online fisting community I follow asking for fisty music suggestions delivered the following recommendations: Moderat, Royksopp, Sigur Ros, and Butt Boy -- a classic soundmaker for guys into leather and BDSM.
Toy cleaner for toys -- cleaner made for silicone and other sensitive sex toy materials. Bleach. Bleach wipes. Mild soap. Warm water. Glass cleaner. Disinfectant spray. Rubbing alcohol.
My Recommendation: FT Mean Clean Toy Cleaner from Fort Troff.
It's a courtesy for anyone getting their ass used in your space -- you included. Have a dedicated douching shower and keep a hose in it, attached to the shower head via a diverter. It's kind to have at least one dedicated douching shower, but if you routinely have fisting parties, you might want two. Pro tip: Unscrew the cover on the drain. You and your guests will appreciate the foresight.
For some, keeping a permanent douche hose hanging in the shower is not an option. Many of us have to share showers with roommates. In these cases, a portable shower douche is very helpful. A portable douche (or shower shot) is essentially a bag you hang under the shower head that filters into a douching tube with a nozzle at the end.
Depending on the kind of play I'm going to have, I change my nozzle. If I'm fisting, I use a long (around 2 ft) soft silicone hose that gets pretty deep. If it's just a quick fuck, I use a standard metal nozzle.
My Recommendation: Shower Shot: Complete Douche Set from Mr. S Leather and ErgoFlo Pro from Perfect Fit and Bum Blaster Snake from Fort Troff.
The term "red light district" defines a neighborhood in any city where there's a high concentration of sex clubs, porn shops, strip clubs, and all the other fun places. Red lights were used to advertise brothels as far back as the late 1800s, which is where we get the name from.
Today, we associate red lights with sex -- the dirty, kinky, communal, public kind. The red light bulb swinging over a leather sling in the gay sex club. The red light in the dark hallway in the back of a gay bar. Red lights are common features of cruisy leather bars. When you see red lights, you know where you are.
Do not resort to Christmas lights. A lamp or neon sign would be better, or a hanging red bulb on a cord. Set the mood so that when he's looking up at you -- or you're looking up at him -- you know this is space where you are free to let go and get nasty.
My Recommendation:Try your nearest home supplies store -- Home Depot or something similar -- or shop online.