DANCES WITH BEARS
Ellen DeGeneres did this adorable Super Bowl ad for Beats. Well, technically she debuted it on her show in the video above. In it, we get to watch Ellen do one the things she loves best — dance.
DADDY LOVES FASHION
This Doritos ad from 2013 got mixed reviews, with some saying it played into gender role stereotypes while others saying it challenged them. Decide for yourself in the video above.
Hey — this is the Super Bowl, two men can't do that Lady and the Tramp spaghetti thing! In this 2007 Super Bowl spot, two mechanics chomp at opposite ends of the same Snickers bar and — oops! — kiss each other when they meet in the middle. In the version that aired during the game, one of the guys slams a car hood down on the other guy's head. As you may have guessed, LGBT activists were not laughing. In the video of the commercial posted above, all the alternate endings are included, though some never aired and were instead available online.
Apparently, some find fitness guru Richard Simmons annoying. So annoying that they would contemplate hitting him with their car in the middle of the night — while driving on Bridgestone tires, naturally. Did they not realize Simmons is a saint? TheWeightSaint, in fact. He is America's (not necessarily gay) campy, boisterous treasure.
NO MANCRUNCH, YES TEBOW
Readers are likely to recall a 30-second "pro-life" ad in the 2010 Super Bowl paid for by the antigay Focus on the Family, starring then-college quarterback Tim Tebow and his mother, who tells viewers she's really glad she didn't abort her future Heisman Trophy-winner of a son. A spokesman for Focus called the ad "life- and family-affirming," which apparently made the ad suitable for the Super Bowl's massive audience, according to executives at CBS. But that same year, CBS rejected an ad for gay dating site ManCrunch, saying the broadcaster couldn't confirm ManCrunch's credit. The ad — much to the chagrin of many gay viewers — featured a Minnesota Vikings fan passionately kissing a Green Bay Packers fan after the two share an accidental hand-graze in a bowl of chips. A spokeswoman for ManCrunch said the network's rejection of the ad was "straight-up discrimination," especially following the news that CBS would air the Focus commercial starring the Tebows.
It may be provable that GoDaddy.com creates provocative Super Bowl commercials just so they'll be banned, thus gaining media attention while letting the company avoid paying millions of dollars to be on network television during the game. However, this Super Bowl ad featuring an, um, flamboyant fictional retired NFL player who goes by the name Lola and runs a website selling his own lingerie is really just silly. But for whatever reason, CBS decided it just couldn't air the commercial. By the way, it was slated for the same year that the ManCrunch ads were banned.
Oh, those poor straight guys having to endure (ugh!) eating fruit with breakfast, and (grrrrrr!) listening to their wife's opinion of their friends, or (gag!) carrying their girlfriends' lip balm. Thank goodness they get to drive Dodge Chargers in exchange for all of those terrible, emasculating duties. Life. Is. So. Hard!
TOO GAY FOR FRITO-LAY
In 2011, Doritos' annual "Crash the Super Bowl" contest got a little too gay for Frito-Lay. The contest solicits fan-made 30-second ads featuring the snack, then asks viewers to vote on which should air nationally during the Super Bowl. But two gay ads submitted for the 2011 contest were apparently too racy for the snack company, which never aired either ad. The first spot featured two hunky nude men steaming in a sauna as one man seductively eyes the other's crotch. The second, slightly tamer ad featured a gay couple sunning themselves by the pool — with a bag of Doritos, naturally — as their presumably straight neighbor looks over the hedge dividing their homes, salivating.