The internet went nuts a few weeks ago when a new trailer for Disney-Pixar’s Finding Dory was released, featuring two women looking at a stroller. The narrative that emerged was that this would be Pixar’s first on-screen lesbian couple.
Sadly, those who have seen advance screenings of the movie, which opens today, report that the rumors of Pixar’s first official LGBT characters have been greatly exaggerated. It’s well past time that Disney and Pixar included some gay characters, especially after Ellen DeGeneres stole the show in Finding Nemo by voicing the breakout character Dory and arguably made that movie the financial success it was. Here are our suggestions for seven lesbian couples who would enhance the new film.
Ethel Merman and Jacqueline Susann
Ethel Merman was a not only a gay icon, but she was rumored to have had an affair with Valley of the Dolls author Jacqueline Susann. It’s the kind of secret love affair that should have a movie made about it anyway, and if Pixar made them literal merpeople it would make sense for Dory to encounter them under the sea.
Terk and Stella
Dory isn’t the only cartoon character who’s been voiced by a famous lesbian comedian. Back in 1999, Rosie O’Donnell was the voice of Tarzan’s best buddy, Terk the gorilla, in the Disney animated film. In 2006, Wanda Sykes gave a hilarious performance as Stella the skunk in Dreamworks' Over the Hedge. Maybe a relationship between two characters who are different species and coming from different studios is a stretch, but true love knows no bounds.
The cast of Orange Is the New Black
The preview makes it clear that Dory will set out for the Monterey Bay Aquarium in Monterey, Calif., which to us sounds like fishy jail, i.e. the perfect place for some Orange Is the New Black cameos. Who doesn’t want to see Piper and Alex as a pair of dysfunctional sunfish? Or Crazy Eyes and Soso as kissing gourami or maybe Ruby Rose as an adorable, mischief-making sea otter? Can we just pitch this as a Netflix spinoff show?
Carol and Therese
We don’t really have any logical reason for these ladies to be in a cartoon movie about fish. We basically just want them in every movie. It’s all too rare for LGBT movies to give the characters a happy ending, and the fact that Carol and Therese got one makes us want to follow their adventures forever.
Adele and Emma
Dory can get pretty down on herself for her memory issues, but maybe the girls from Blue Is the Warmest Color could show up at some point and teach Dory the lesson of accepting herself for who she is, just like Emma taught Adele. Plus they already match. Blue tang is the warmest fish.
Madison (Daryl Hannah) from Splash and Mrs. Flax (Cher) from Mermaids
Who doesn’t want to see these two fierce, fabulous fish ladies as a sexy mercouple? If that image doesn’t get you wet, I don’t know what will.
Dory and (_____)
Forget Elsa. The hashtag should be #findingdoryagirlfriend. Although the majority of Disney movies end with a heteronormative coupling, Dory made it out of the first movie in a just-friends status with Marlin, voiced by Albert Brooks. And let’s face it: Dory needs a man like she needs a bicycle. Maybe instead of Marlin and Nemo rushing off to the rescue, Portia de Rossi could show up as the voice of a fellow blue tang and help Dory find her own damn self.