Small Penis? You May Be a Bottom

Turns out Republicans and gay men do have something in common: They're both unhappy with a new study the National Institutes of Health subsidized in order to find out if a gay man's penis size has any correlation to his sexual health.

According to The Daily Caller, the Hunter College Center for HIV/AIDS Educational Studies Training research, titled "The Association between Penis Size and Sexual Health Among Men Who Have Sex With Men," was initiated in 2006 and surveyed 1,065 gay men. Among its key findings: Those gay men who felt they had small or inadequate penis sizes were more likely to become "bottoms," or anal-receptive, while gay men with larger penises were more likely to identify themselves as "tops," or anal-insertive. Another discovery from the research: Men with smaller penises were more likely to be psychologically troubled than those with larger genitalia. The goal of the study was to understand the "real individual-level consequences of living in a penis-centered society."

"We've got nameless, faceless bureaucrats who thought this was a good use of taxpayer money," said Andrea Lafferty, president of the right-wing Traditional Values Coalition, which unearthed the penis-size study, to The Daily Caller. "But, at the end of the day, it was the NIH directors who signed off on it. These nameless, faceless bureaucrats seem to think the American taxpayers are a limitless ATM machine."