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Donald slouched, Melania napped, Rubio yawned, as Trump’s failed military parade goes on by

Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth US President Donald Trump First Lady Melania Trump
Andrew Harnik/Getty Images

Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth, US President Donald Trump, and First Lady Melania Trump, along with other guests, watch as members of the U.S Army participate in the 250th birthday parade of the U.S. Army on June 14, 2025 in Washington, DC.

Opinion: For someone obsessed with crowd size, the joke of a parade had to sting, writes John Casey.


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You’d have to be blind drunk to think Donald Trump’s pitiful excuse for a military parade in Washington, D.C., on Saturday was anything but a flop. And in at least one case, someone reportedly was blind drunk and praising it.

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Fox News guest Rebekah Koffler slurred her way through a segment about how majestic and inspiring the parade was. According to The Daily Beast, she’d hit the sauce before praising the "spectacle." At least her champagne goggles were working overtime. The rest of us, if we even dared to watch any of it, had to see the sad reality soberly.

Trump has had a parade-size hole in his ego since 2017, when he saw France’s Bastille Day festivities and got a little too hot under the collar about tanks and testosterone. Ever since, he’s longed for his own, shall we say, dictator moment.

He’s probably watched all the videos of way-over-the-top military parades overseen by his buddies, Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong Un, as well as his role models, Mussolini, Hitler, and Mao. I’m sure he’s gotten off on lock-step soldiers, glistening war machinery, synchronized salutes, and oceans of admirers waving MAGA flags.

The same stuff you see in Pyongyang or Red Square.

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So when Saturday arrived, on his 79th birthday and the 250th birthday of the U.S. Army, Trump finally got his big day. And what a disaster it was!

Yes, I watched some of it, only because I wanted to see some sort of mishap unfold before my eyes. I was thinking along the lines of a tank cratering a street, or a lone protester doing a U.S. “Tank Man” version of Tiananmen Square. However, what I didn’t plan for was the whole thing being an unmitigated disaster!

There were a few tanks, and some Humvees that didn’t buckle the streets but looked sad and lonely inching down a barren Constitution Avenue. Instead of a roaring crowd, a smattering of supporters braved the D.C. heat, rain, and mist. Although it wasn’t the weather that kept people away. And by smattering, I mean enough people to fit into a large tank, not the National Mall.

There were more empty folding chairs than human beings. Rolling Stonerightly called it “a sleepy birthday bash,” and The Mirrornoted there were just a few thousand, when the White House laughingly claimed there were over 250,000.

I can assure you that as I flipped from CNN, to Fox, to MSNBC for tidbits about the parade, my 20/20 vision didn’t see anything remotely close to 10,000, let alone 250,000. For someone obsessed with crowd size, this had to sting.

I had heard from a friend who witnessed it that during Friday's rehearsals, soldiers moved with impressive precision, sharp, crisp, and choreographed. Come Saturday? From some of the marching I saw on TV, they were disorganized and shuffled like they were out for a lazy stroll around the reflecting pool. Was it an intentional protest? A quiet, dignified middle finger from the troops being used for a megalomaniac’s vanity project? Who knows.

After it was over, Trump, of course, gave a perfunctory eight-minute speech, slurring through it like a man who didn’t believe his own words, which is always. He looked bored, slouching in his chair, barely feigning interest in the spectacle he demanded.

After the speech, a military aide had to ask him to leave the stage. Watch the video. It reminded me of when Barack Obama had to go and get Joe Biden off the stage at an L.A. fundraiser. Trump looked equally out of it.

Even Melania showed up, and the photos said it all. Like her husband, she appeared to doze off too, which is emblematic of her boredom being a less-than-part-time First Lady. Equally bored was Secretary of State Marco Rubio, who yawned his way through.

And if anyone should have been drunk at the parade, it should have been the alleged drunkard Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth. When the silly robotic dogs and the pointless and errant drones whizzing around passed by, I couldn’t help but be reminded of Hegseth’s constant barking that the military be a “warrior's culture

The whole thing cost an estimated $45 million. Just think of how many veterans that money could have helped with healthcare, housing, or mental health support. But no. It funded a ghost-town procession of half-hearted marching with zero energy from the participants, the viewing stand, and the sparsely filled bleachers.

Because that’s the thing Trump hates most, low energy. And yet, hewas the embodiment of it yesterday. Slouching. Bored. Eyes glazed over. A crowdless strongman in a city and country that for the most part loathes him.

Since beginning his second term on January 20, 2025, Trump has been a global embarrassment, from his botched diplomacy, his warm embraces of tyrants, to his relentless dismantling of America’s standing in the world.

Saturday’s parade wasn’t just another failure. It was a perfect metaphor for a president obsessed with power, spectacle, and ego, exposed in broad daylight for the hollow, bumbling blowhard he truly is.

As always, Trump ruins everything he touches. Institutions, allies, traditions, friends, colleagues, and now, military parades. And the worst part? He embarrassed not only himself. He embarrassed our troops, who deserved so much better than to be used as props in a one-man dream of dictatorial delusion.

Voices is dedicated to featuring a wide range of inspiring personal stories and impactful opinions from the LGBTQ+ community and its allies. Visit Advocate.com/submit to learn more about submission guidelines. Views expressed in Voices stories are those of the guest writers, columnists, and editors, and do not directly represent the views of The Advocate or our parent company, equalpride.

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