This Washington
State teen faces a daily battle between the sexual
attraction he feels for other men and his religious
convictions that tell him being gay is against
God’s word.
In late July the
Washington State supreme court upheld a law that limits
marriage to heterosexual couples. As a gay 19-year-old in
Longview, Wash., my delight with that ruling is
probably surprising. However, I’m not your
average gay person—I'm also a Christian who views
living a gay lifestyle as against God's word.
And because of my
religious beliefs, I hate the fact that I am gay.
About the time I
was 12 years old, it became clear to me that I was
sexually attracted to guys. I assumed these feelings would
go away as I got older. People choose to be gay,
right? I didn’t choose this, so I figured it
would pass. But it didn’t. By age 15 I had my first
boyfriend.
At about that
time I started to attend a Pentecostal church. I began
reading the Bible, including its many different and powerful
passages condemning homosexual activity. I knew in my
heart that being gay was wrong in God’s eyes. I
decided to devote myself to living a God-filled life
and knew I needed to stop being gay so that I could stop
being attracted to guys.
I looked into
"ex-gay" ministries and joined such a program offered
by a local church. It has taught me that with God’s
help I can change my desires. A friend of mine went
through another church’s program, and he's
changed. He’s now happy and in love with his
girlfriend. I pray the same will happen to me someday.
In the meantime I
focus on fighting efforts to force the "gay agenda" on
those of us who know God does not accept homosexuality.
Although I do not condone discrimination, I also do not
support gay marriage laws or many of the other issues
backed by gay rights groups. I am a proud conservative
Republican, and I support political candidates who
feel the same way I do.
Many people ask
me how I can be gay and also be a Republican and a
Pentecostal Christian. My answer is that I am so much more
than my sexuality. I don’t vote solely on pet
gay issues. My faith and love of God is not guided by
one small piece of who I am—a piece of me that I am
trying very hard to change.
Being a gay
Christian is at times very hard to deal with. Some days I
feel as if I’m at war with myself. But I know God
would not approve of me acting on my gay feelings, and
I have no right to question his directive. I know that
in the end I will be happy I lived my life according to
God’s standards the best that I could.
That means
refusing to accept being gay.
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