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I hate being gay

This Washington State teen faces a daily battle between the sexual attraction he feels for other men and his religious convictions that tell him being gay is against God’s word.


In late July the Washington State supreme court upheld a law that limits marriage to heterosexual couples. As a gay 19-year-old in Longview, Wash., my delight with that ruling is probably surprising. However, I’m not your average gay person—I'm also a Christian who views living a gay lifestyle as against God's word.

And because of my religious beliefs, I hate the fact that I am gay.

About the time I was 12 years old, it became clear to me that I was sexually attracted to guys. I assumed these feelings would go away as I got older. People choose to be gay, right? I didn’t choose this, so I figured it would pass. But it didn’t. By age 15 I had my first boyfriend.

At about that time I started to attend a Pentecostal church. I began reading the Bible, including its many different and powerful passages condemning homosexual activity. I knew in my heart that being gay was wrong in God’s eyes. I decided to devote myself to living a God-filled life and knew I needed to stop being gay so that I could stop being attracted to guys.

I looked into "ex-gay" ministries and joined such a program offered by a local church. It has taught me that with God’s help I can change my desires. A friend of mine went through another church’s program, and he's changed. He’s now happy and in love with his girlfriend. I pray the same will happen to me someday.

In the meantime I focus on fighting efforts to force the "gay agenda" on those of us who know God does not accept homosexuality. Although I do not condone discrimination, I also do not support gay marriage laws or many of the other issues backed by gay rights groups. I am a proud conservative Republican, and I support political candidates who feel the same way I do.

Many people ask me how I can be gay and also be a Republican and a Pentecostal Christian. My answer is that I am so much more than my sexuality. I don’t vote solely on pet gay issues. My faith and love of God is not guided by one small piece of who I am—a piece of me that I am trying very hard to change.

Being a gay Christian is at times very hard to deal with. Some days I feel as if I’m at war with myself. But I know God would not approve of me acting on my gay feelings, and I have no right to question his directive. I know that in the end I will be happy I lived my life according to God’s standards the best that I could.

That means refusing to accept being gay.

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Reader Comments
  • Name: anthony
    Date posted: 8/24/2009 12:43:00 PM
    Hometown: italy

    Comment:

    It is not our/your job to judge others or your self , thats gods job - i was once like you living in hell on earth - is that what god wants ? give your disiers up to god - leave it up to him - ask him to guide you and ecsept his will - if he made you gay then be the best most loving gay peson that you can and stop qwestuning his will - stop juging his divine plan and start loving your self and others - he will take care of the judjment - it is not our job - love your self for who god made you before you start to live in hate and resntment - let he who has not sinned cast the first stone ! it sounds like you are throwing stones at your self -

  • Name: Beth
    Date posted: 8/14/2009 10:33:00 PM
    Hometown: Saline

    Comment:

    I love you for your effort. You are so much stronger than me. I have an affliction like you that is contradictory to Gods word and I do not refuse it. I am part of it and rebel against His word. You are so my hero!! I love you in Christ who I hope will accept me too. Take care! Beth

  • Name: Kim
    Date posted: 8/5/2009 5:11:00 PM
    Hometown: chicago

    Comment:

    Shut up Shane and get a life. You are forcing your ideas on someone. He is not in the same environment as you.

  • Name: Shannon
    Date posted: 8/5/2009 5:06:00 PM
    Hometown: Chicago, Illonois

    Comment:

    To Matthew Conrad: God does not laugh at people. He wants to believe what he believes is right for him.

  • Name: o j hansen
    Date posted: 8/3/2009 4:09:00 PM
    Hometown: new york

    Comment:

    When it comes to Christian truth, I think you agree that Jesus is close to the centre of things And he is in heaven Before he went there he sais to his friends, when I have left, go and baptize "the whole world". And he added: invite them to study what I have left behind. You find the more exact words with Matthew. What Jesus left behind, does not include any writing. Some others wrote many years later (more than sixty years it is said) and in a language you and I don't know a little bit about Jesus. That is all we have more or less directly about Jesus. Nothing physical is left that connects directly to Jesus. It is not much. And nothing relates to a fixed morality. Church people miss it and find that the bible in general gives quite good hints as to morality. Jesus was definitely not a moralist. He went for love. That is distinctely something else, even if the word is not more than an indication and can easily be mis-translated. So what? THINK.

  • Name: Aver
    Date posted: 8/3/2009 5:27:00 AM
    Hometown: Cville, VA

    Comment:

    I hate religion because of this, and things like this. Religion calls the rest of us evil, when really it's the religion that actually IS evil. It tears me apart all the time thinking about all the lives of some of the best people that are lost because of people like you telling them they are "bad". This has really been bothering me. I know Christianity... I've been sucked in, chewed up, and fled like a bat out of hell. I graduated at a Southern Baptist school, my parents are fanatical Christians who are whole heartedly against homosexuality and all kinds of things. I'm lucky, I've managed to escape the bondage of Christianity. Honestly, I don't think without my guitar (I play n write music) and a strong will I would be alive today, and only because BECAUSE OF CHRISTIAN HATE which they somehow twist into calling love. I really feel sorry for you gay guys n girls who are sucked into this stuff. I know it's hard. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE learn to think for youself and realize...

  • Name: Aver
    Date posted: 8/3/2009 5:08:00 AM
    Hometown: Cville, VA

    Comment:

    People talk about comparing homosexuals to rapists and murderers, in that those people may have some kind of predisposition, but it's still wrong, so therefore homosexuality is too. 1st of all, what kind of comparison is this? Some ppl are predisposed to being outgoing or shy, scrawny or built, hyper or sedate, or intelligent or unintelligent. As unintelligent as this comparison is, many people actually believe it, and most often they're CHRISTIANS. So to those of you that I'm speaking of.. why don't you do a little research on all of the killing done in the name of God? And before you say, "Well, anyone who would do anything like that isn't really a Christian," think about this... HOW MANY AMAZING GAY PEOPLE ARE DEAD BECAUSE OF CHRISTIANS LIKE YOU who preach things like this and how we're doomed to hell, how we're flawed, how many gays are rapists and/or child molesters, how AIDS is one of God's punishments to homosexuals, and ON AND ON AND ON?

  • Name: J.K.
    Date posted: 8/2/2009 5:26:00 PM
    Hometown: upstate NY

    Comment:

    Kyle, this September it will have been three years since you wrote your piece. It would be interesting to learn about your journey, what you've learned, and how you've grown since then.

  • Name: Kildar
    Date posted: 7/31/2009 3:44:00 PM
    Hometown: Texarkana

    Comment:

    You have definitely taken a serious step forward. You bring hope to me about this issue. I am not gay, but homosexuality is the one particular thing about the world which bothers me the most. I am so unbelievably glad you chose to follow gods will. Thank you.

  • Name: Jonathan
    Date posted: 7/24/2009 12:14:00 PM
    Hometown: St. Louis, MO

    Comment:

    I never bought into this "homosexuality is not a choice" thing. Most things that we do is a choice. I dated girls all through high school. I was a little curious when I came to college, but never thought I would date a guy. I ended up dating a guy for about a year, then spent the next three trying to find guys to date. One day I realized that I didn't want to live this life. I was still attracted to women, but because I dated a guy, I told myself that I had to continue dating guys. I then did a lot of praying and thinking and talking to friends. A lot of my attraction to men was just in my head. I want to get married to a woman and have kids and raise a family. I stopped watching gay porn and stopped looking at men and thinking thoughts I shouldn't think. I am not 100% the way I would like to be. I came across this article and found it interesting that there really are others out there that feel the same as me. I always considered myself bisexual but now I tell others I am straight.

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