Guy Branum: Chelsea Guy

Chelsea Lately comedian Guy Branum cracks wise on his celebrity crushes, offensive gay humor, and the heavy responsibility of being Chelsea Handler’s “staff homosexual.”




Why are you and Ross Mathews never on the roundtable at the same time? Would that be too much gayness for viewers to handle?
Ross and I spread out the representation of the homos. I’m also never on with my officemate Heather McDonald, so I think they’re trying to keep the estrogen down to reasonable levels. We once had a “gay day” panel with Scott Thompson, Justin Tranter from Semi Precious Weapons, and me, and it was so nice to have a wall of gay coming at the audience.

Have you and Ross ever tried to determine who’s gayer?
I would be wary for anyone to go into a gay-off with Ross Mathews because he’s packing some heat.

In various sketches you’ve appeared shirtless or even sprawled out half-naked on a conference room table for laughs. Are you as comfortable as it seems being a plus-size personality?
Yeah, they put me in a Speedo on my third day. Straight people have this idea of what homosexuality is, and bigger guys don’t frequently don’t fit into that. The trouble is that so many gay guys also internalize these notions of what it means to be gay. I live in the middle of West Hollywood, where people have a very clear shared aesthetic, but there’s nothing sweeter than the feeling of being in a bear bar, at Russian River Resort, or another bear space where I get to feel as pretty as the day is long.

So you identify with the bear community?
I like people who like me. That said, a lot of the bear culture and aesthetics doesn’t really appeal to me. I mean, if I wanted to date someone who was hairy and liked hiking all the time, I’d be dating a lesbian. But I try to like as many things as I can, because I haven’t always had the most options in the world. A burly muscle bear is a good time, but an adorable, hairless young man can also be a wonderful thing.

You’re very accessible to fans through Twitter and Facebook. What kind of feedback have you gotten from gay viewers?
Once a kid messaged me on Facebook and basically said I’d helped chill him out about being scared to tell his parents he was gay, which made me feel really good. I feel like gay people are proud to have Ross and me speaking for the community in our own way on the panel.

Do you use your fame to get laid?
Absolutely. I have very little shame, as you noted with my body. It’s so nice to live in a world where a lot of people have already been introduced to me, so they already know who I am and whether they like me or not.

You also have no shame about expressing your attraction to hot young male stars on the show. Out of all your celebrity crushes, whom would you most want to join our team?
If Taylor Lautner can maintain that 30 pounds of lean muscle mass, he’s welcome anytime. I realize that Paul Rudd has probably already figured out the things he’s going to figure out in life, but if he ever just wanted to hold hands with me for a little while, that would be really cool too.

Tags: television