You had to know that participating in the march while
wearing your Navy uniform violated
"don't ask, don't tell," yet
you did it anyway. Why?
It was kind of a last-minute thing. That morning
I was wearing jeans and a T-shirt, I had my keys in my
hand, and I decided that I was done pretending to be
someone I'm not. I put on my uniform, knowing that I
would be interviewed, but it was more important to be honest
than to worry about my career.
But you loved your career.
Yes. I very much wanted to serve my country, but
the person you end up being with makes up a huge part
of your life, and I had to keep it quiet. When you
meet someone, when you fall in love, you want to tell
everybody. I couldn't. I had to keep it bottled
up. That morning, the cork flew out of the bottle.
When you were in the Navy, did you constantly worry about
what would happen if someone found out you are lesbian?
It's not like talking about your sex life
is the only way to violate the policy. If anyone were
to see us holding hands--just simply holding hands
with the person you love--that is a violation, and
that could get you kicked out. We couldn't eat
near the base. I couldn't bring her with me to
office functions. It's like you're onstage all
of the time--you have to be this other person.
Now that you're a civilian, what will you do?
I've been trying to get as many people to know
about the policy as I can. With as much attention as
there has been, I've been surprised how many
people don't really know that it means you can never
mention the person that you love. That if you let a
glimmer of your real self shine through, even for a
moment, you can lose everything.
That's what happened to you, didn't it?
It was one of those moments that's a
cross between courageous and stupid. Going to the
marriage equality march meant so much to me--so much
that I was willing to risk my job, career, home,
paycheck, and benefits to make a statement.
It's not like I went thinking that my being there
would change anything. Maybe nobody will listen to
Rhonda Davis, or maybe somebody will. I don't
know. But I couldn't just pretend anymore.