12 Pride Lessons to Keep Alive After June

I would venture to say that the LGBTQIA (oh, I went there) community is the most diverse minority group in the world. In part, Pride is about celebrating the intersectionality that goes hand-in-hand with that heap’s letters. Lesbian, gay, bi, trans, queer, intersex, or ally, all we have to do is look to our community to listen and learn about each other’s experience. So when the parties are over, look for opportunities to expand your awareness about the experience of your black sister or your Muslim brother. Consciousness-building like this is what makes us one of the strongest and most unified civil rights movements in history.

C’mon, you guys. The jig is up. Magazines promoting beauty want us to think we’re ugly. Photoshop is real. And there are way too many videos of people peeling off charcoal face masks. (That last one is slightly unrelated, but it had to be said.) But damn it, we’re queer and we don’t stop being beautiful when the Pride parades are over. Why do you think there are so many heteros showing up at your RuPaul’s Drag Race viewing parties? It’s liberating to be part of a community that says, “This is my version of beauty; what’s yours?” Yes, there are haters, but their hate is their problem, not yours. So love yourself, because if you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love someone else?

Listen. The 14-year-olds of today are going to be voting in their first election in four years. We have a responsibility to help them feel heard today to ensure that disillusion doesn't eat away at their faith tomorrow. Instead of bemoaning the state of the world, let’s use our energy to promote and support voices that matter. This can start with your cousin Johnny, or you can look for mentorship opportunities in your community. Or you can do what I did at the last protest I attended, and go up to every teenager and shake their hand. (Pro tip: Try not to be a creeper.)

Call your senator and tell them not to dismantle the Affordable Care Act (a.k.a. Obamacare). We defeated Ryancare once, and we can do it again. Show up at your representative’s town hall. Go to a protest. Find a phone bank in your city. Start a petition. One of the kids I met at a protest started his own march in L.A., mobilizing thousands of people via Facebook. Use the tools and spaces at your disposal to fight injustice and discrimination. If we just listen and regurgitate the same disheartening and disappointing news bites, we are going to go crazy. Take action and you’ll feel a lot more hopeful.

Not too long ago I had a reader message me from Belarus. He was responding to an article I wrote called “10 Reasons Why I Love Being Gay.” He wanted to tell me, though that may be easy for me to say from the relative freedom of Los Angeles, it’s easier said than done for others. He told me he saw no hope that he would ever even kiss another man, let alone celebrate being gay. I acknowledged his truth. I listened. And ultimately, I recognized that he was losing hope. He was fixating on the cage that society had put him in. So I encouraged him not to look at the cage itself, but to look between the bars. It is important to realize that thinking more positively won’t solve all our problems, but it will certainly shift our perception of those problems. That is something to strive for today and every day.

Support gay cinema and learn more about LGBT history by watching these productions: How to Survive a Plague, Carol, Tangerine, The Normal Heart, Blue Is the Warmest Color, Angels in America, Armistead Maupin’s Tales of the City, Paris Is Burning, Brokeback Mountain, Andrew Haigh’s Weekend, Wong Kar-wai’s Happy Together, Philadelphia, Pedro Almodóvar’s All About My Mother, and Hettie MacDonald’s Beautiful Thing, which was a game-changer for me and the first bit of gay cinema I ever saw. If you have any suggestions, share them in the comments. There are so many quality LGBT films out there that go unseen.

Sex is about more than an empty physical release. Partnered or not, use intimacy as on opportunity to be just that — intimate! I’m not going to tell you how to define “intimate,” but surely some eye contact wouldn’t hurt. Slow down, buy a book on Tantric sex, ask your partner what they enjoy, and sexplore. If you're single, take advantage of it! Liberate your body, but don’t half-ass it. Full-ass it and liberate your mind too. (And of course, play safe, kids.)

Just because you’re gay, lesbian, bi, or trans doesn’t mean you're automatically tolerant. In fact, a lot of us have a bevy of internalized hate and shame to work through. But, in a way, that’s the gift that we’ve been given. We are forced to face the challenges of self-acceptance and self-love head on. It’s hard, yes, but we aren’t alone. Together, we have the power to emerge with a fuller depth and breadth of knowledge about love and tolerance than we thought imaginable. One of the best ways we can explore this right now is by learning to make peace with right-wing hate. Because, man, they’re just confused! If we hate them, we’re just fueling their fire. Love wins. Don’t forget it.

My parents raised us with a motto: “I don’t care what you do, as long as you’re happy.” And it is this mindset that helped me eschew labels since I was a little boy. Labels help others define your place in the world they’ve created in their minds. But why adopt a label for someone else’s comfort? Be you. You don't have to be married, partnered, parental, single, rich, or poor. Define happiness on your own terms and your community will naturally gravitate toward you.

We have so many straight allies in the world now. The increased visibility of trans, gay, lesbian, and bi people has shown previously prejudiced people than our sexuality and gender identification or non-identification is nothing to be afraid of. Our allies are in this fight with us. They show up at the marches and rallies, they ask the hard questions, they listen, they learn, and they educate those we can’t reach. (And don’t yuck their yum. Gays, getting grossed out by vaginas is misogynistic, all right?)

I don’t wanna name names, but some of y’all gotta watch your mouths. Here’s a list of DOs and DON’Ts to help us think before we speak: DON’T say, “Bisexuality isn't real. You’re gay and just too afraid to come out.” DON’T out someone or intimidate someone to come out of the closet if they aren’t ready. It’s called stealing one’s narrative, it’s destructive, and it’s rude. DON’T ask a trans person about their genitalia or determine whether or not they’re a “real woman” or a “real man” — and definitely don’t refer to them as “it” or “he-she.” DO politely ask what pronouns people prefer. DO listen to the experiences of your LGBTQ brothers and sisters. DO educate yourself and others on queer issues.

We have every right to be angry right now. Our lives, our access to health care, and our rights are under attack. But one of the biggest messages we can take away from Pride, is to not let our anger turn to hate. When we focus so heavily on the very thing we detest, hate, that emotion just expands. Direct your anger into solutions and actions. Pride is a month-long celebration of peace, love, and freedom. If we’re going to get through the next four years, it’s up to us to keep waving that rainbow flag.

Tyler Batson is the filmmaker of A Chance for Peace, a nine-year journey of exploring peace movements across the globe, and a volunteer with the Los Angeles LGBT Center. Follow him on Twitter @tyler_batson.

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