21 words the queer community has and hasn't reclaimed

21 words the queer community has reclaimed (and some we haven’t)

If you want to ignite a group of LGBTQ+ folks, bring up the subject no one wants to talk about. Not Trump — everyone wants to talk about him. Drag out the never-ending discussion on what we should call ourselves. Are we gay people? Are we queer people? Can we say “f*ggot” yet?

These discussions flare up daily on social media. In every debate, trolls from every side dip into our vast index of offensive slurs. Many ask in frustration, “Who cares? What’s in a name?”

Names matter. Words are important. Language is fluid, confusing, and evolving. It requires mercy and patience, narrative and explanation. Most of all, it requires listening. How many times have words been used to rob us of power? By using them differently, we take power back.

Browse these 21 words we have reclaimed — and some we haven’t.

1. Queer

"Queer” was first used as an antigay slur during the trial of Oscar Wilde, according to The National Archives of the United Kingdom. It got rebranded in the ’90s during the AIDS crisis. “We’re here, we’re queer” became a protest mantra while anarcho-queers rallied around “queercore,” the queer punk music scene, a term some credit to cult filmmaker Bruce LaBruce. A common slogan you can still find on T-shirts and in queer bars across the country is “Not gay as in happy, but queer as in ‘f*ck you.’”

With the advent of queer theory and the launch of Queer as Folk, “queer” became used online as a more concise umbrella term than the full LGBTQIA+ acronym. Many young people today view “queer” as a term defining all non-straight, non-cisgender identities. “Queer” addresses the fluidity of gender and sexual orientation and defines those who use it as people focused on problems largely ignored by the gay rights movement: racism, wage inequality, women’s rights, transphobia, and so on. Queers both respect our history and push us to be better.

Case For: By resisting an easy definition, “queer” challenges us to talk about identity. People with identities outside “gay, straight, or bi” feel represented by “queer.”

Case Against: Many folks in our community remember “queer” painfully, as a word often used to demean feminine men. Should such a word be reclaimed?

2. Homo

“Homo” is still a slur to many gay men, but just as “queer” became a power term, “homo” has seen a recent surge in popularity. I love “homo” because it sounds clinical and scientific. Regardless of what I call myself, in doctor’s offices across the country I will be recorded as MSM — a man who has sex with men. A homosexual.

Right-wing sites love to call us homosexuals. The word became cemented in antigay lingo with the infamous CBS Reports episode “The Homosexuals,” which aired on March 7, 1967. The episode claimed homosexuality was an illness gay men could treat if they tried.

“Homo” is antagonistic, unpretentious, and sort of funny. It’s the “f*ck you” of “queer” without a social justice arm. It pokes fun at itself.

Case For: Who doesn’t love a homo?

Case Against: If you were ever called a “homo” by a homophobe, you might hate it.

3. Limp-wristed

“Limp-wristed” is an offensive way to describe gay men, particularly feminine guys. It’s been reclaimed as a “f*ck you” to the gardening club and church mothers who called us “limp-wristed” once we were out of earshot.

Case For: Even if your wrists function perfectly and you don’t “girl” and “she” everything in sight, you’re limp-wristed because you’re a queer who isn’t threatened or offended by femininity. You celebrate the gaudy absurdity of our culture. You’ve danced to Whitney Houston under a disco ball with your best mates.

Case Against: Some guys don’t want to be seen as feminine or associated with femininity, which is what “limp-wristed” implies. Cue discussion about gay misogyny.

4. Dyke

“Dyke” is the most widely known lesbian slur, one many gay women have embraced. The word has vague origins and was originally used to describe masculine, “butch,” tomboyish women. It’s a shortened version of “bull dyke,” another slur and one considered more offensive.

Case For: Many queer women embrace “dyke.” We give words power.

Case Against: If you've been called a "dyke" as an insult, you may hate it.

5. F*ggot

"F*ggot” is the ultimate “f*ck you” to the hetero establishment — a term used by queer men who celebrate their sex and take a politicized, anti-assimilationist approach to queer identity. We like the protest parts of our history. We’re ready when the right comes for us — because it will.

There's still no ignoring that "f*ggot” is one of the most offensive antigay slurs in history. Gay men have died with that word ringing in their ears. It’s controversial to reclaim a word that feels painful to so many people.

Case For: "F*ggot” is a word fueled by anger, AIDS, and the queer scene of the '90s. If reclaiming slurs is a way of fighting oppression, giving power to “f*ggot” is a battle cry.

Case Against: Some say “f*ggot” is equivalent to the most offensive racial slurs. If a hetero person called me a “f*ggot”, I’d respond with the same fury that we deem appropriate when racial slurs drop on the playing field or celebrities are recorded saying them. Public apologies are issued for racial slurs and public images are smeared; it’s a sign of progress that we’ve come to a time when “f*ggot” is treated similarly.

6. Flamer

This reclaimed slur has dark roots. The word is taken from the original definition of “f*ggot,” which originally was a Middle English word for a bundle of sticks used for burning (from the Old French fagot based on the Greek word phakelos, which means "bundle," if you’re interested in etymology). It’s easy to see how “f*ggot" became a hate word with its implication that gay men should burn.

From that meaning, words like “flamer” and “flaming” formed as derogatory terms for feminine men. Today, “flamer” has become a cheeky self-identifier for queer people who like showing off and wear their identities with pride.

Case For: Baby, you’re a firework. Come on let your colors burn.

Case Against: “Flamer” feels hurtful to folks who spent time in the closet. To be “flaming” — to be exposed as gay — was something we lived in fear of.

7. Sod

“Sod” is a British slang word with many meanings. None of them are very nice. It’s also an antiquated antigay slur, short for “sodomite.” It’s less accurate to say it’s been reclaimed than to say it’s simply gone out of fashion.

Case For: Is there one?

Case Against: Slurs are often dug up from the past to take on new meanings, but “sod” has more or less been lost to antiquity. Is it really due for a reboot?

8. Twink

“Twink” defines a slender, hairless, typically younger gay man. Some say twinks must be feminine to be called that. Some guys wear their twink status with pride.

Many gay men will say “twink” was never a slur. The body terms we describe ourselves with (bears, otters, and cubs, oh my!) formed as weird gay lingo for sex/dating purposes, not pejoratives to demean or oppress. But innocuous words get used cruelly when old habits like body-shaming, fem-shaming, and misogyny rear their heads. I’ve heard “twink” spat as an insult. Not OK.

Case For: Love your body. Use the labels if you want to. Identify as a twink if you want to. Labels are tools, not cages.

Case Against: Many guys feel these labels are reductive. They corral us into body categories that set expectations on how we should look, who we should screw, and how we should behave. Should they be scrapped?

9. Lesbo

“Lesbo” is a rather historic pejorative for a lesbian woman. Like the word “lesbian,” “lesbo” comes from the Ancient Greek poet Sappho, who lived on the island of Lesbos and wrote poems about love and women.

Most of her work did not survive, and very little is recorded about her life, but she has been mythologized into the most famous lesbian in history.

Case For: Like “dyke,” “lesbo” has all but lost its pejorative sting.

Case Against: Like “dyke,” it’d be offensive if said pejoratively.

10. Tr*nny

“Tr*nny,” a derogatory term for a trans person, is offensive and hasn’t been reclaimed. Even so, there are trans folks who use it to describe themselves. Everyone is free to call themselves what they want, but you can’t call someone else whatever you want — especially not a slur.

Case For: Words are given power by how we use them. In the same way that “f*ggot” and “queer” have been rebranded, should “tr*nny” become the “f*ck you!” of trans liberation?

Case Against: We’re in an epidemic of anti-trans violence. Now is not the time to reclaim a transphobic slur.

11. Fairy

“Fairy” — an old-school antigay dig — has been stripped of its power by the Radical Faerie movement and new-era queers. The faerie community is a smaller subgroup within the larger community that celebrates diversity, self-expression, gender fluidity, spiritualism, and sexual openness. The faerie movement was started by Harry Hay, one of the most influential queer activists in history. “Fairy” may have been a slur, but today it’s a badge of pride.

Case For: A slur has turned into a powerful community of brothers, sisters, and sister-brothers.

Case Against: Good luck, girl.

12. Poof

Also written “pouf” or “poofter.” This is a common English slur for gay men — one that, according to Cambridge Dictionary, could be the equivalent of “f*ggot” across the pond.

Case For: If reclaiming "poof" empowers a gay man, that's his perogative.

Case Against: It’s offensive to our neighbors in the U.K.

13. Fruit or fruity

"Fruit" was once used to describe someone eccentric, lively, or flamboyant. It was thought to originate in Britain as a reference to the fruitcake, which commonly contains nuts, which is another term used to describe mentally insane people.

By the early 20th century, the term took on a more pointed meaning, often used to belittle men who didn’t conform to traditional masculinity. Today, particularly among gay men, it became a tongue-in-cheek way to describe one another. In the same way that terms like "queer" and "fairy" were initially used to degrade but later embraced, "fruity" found its place in self-expression.

Case For: The term is widely used today and has lost much of its sting, similar to "fairy."

Case Against: You probably shouldn't go around calling people "fruity" based on how they dress or act.

14. Light in the loafers

"Light in the loafers" is also used to describe feminine gay men. It was primarily used in the late 19th and early 20th centuries, according to Out History, most prominently during the 1950s. It might not have been reclaimed, but it’s certainly dated.

Case For: This is another term like “limp-wristed” — a slur based on perceived femininity and its conflation with sexual orientation.

Case Against: This term was presumably in vogue at the same time men’s loafers were. *shudder*

15. Queen

“Queen” is the poster child of slur reclamation. Does anyone remember when “queen” was a pejorative? Does anyone care? Werk it, mama.

There are a million different “queens” in old-school gay lexicon: drag queens, gym queens, leather queens, and size queens. Some of these would be offensive if they were still popularly used. A “rice queen,” for example, is a gay man seeking Asian men. A “chocolate queen” is a man who prefers black men.

“Queen” on its own is the most widely known power term in our community, one that has made a significant social leap into mainstream pop culture.

Case For: “Queen” is here to stay.

Case Against: Sashay away.

16. Fudge packer

Another variation: “stool pusher.” This one is so childish that it feels hardly worth mentioning, but it’s still a term homophobes use. Humanity has always been slow to grow up. It’s a supposed commentary on gay sex (meant to attack parts of our intimacy that many gay men have insecurities about).

Case For: To those who haven't experienced it, “fudge packer” can feel like a deeply unserious insult.

Case Against: “Fudge packer” is a stupid indulgence in the pettiness of our enemies.

17. Nancy

The "nance," or Nancy Boy, was a feminine, gay burlesque character from the 1930s who would prance around the stage and create campy scenes of gay life. The nance act drew many gay men to shows, where they would sometimes feel emboldened to engage in sexual acts, according to the History News Network, leading to crackdowns from law enforcement.

Case For: We’re in the business of taking back antigay words.

Case Against: Some guys just don’t want to be “nancy boys."

18. Pansy

You guessed it — another slur for fem gays. "Pansy" was used alongside terms like "buttercup" or "daisy" in the 1920s and 1930s for gay men or men who were deemed not "manly" enough. This led to the "Pansy Craze," a period of increased LGBTQ+ visibility that a deep-dive from The Guardian credits with "kickstarting gay nightlife." This is also when drag queens, then known as "pansy performers," saw a surge in popularity.

Case For: Our ancestors reclaimed this one for us. Plus “pansy” is cute as hell.

Case Against: May confuse a botanist.

19. Muff diver

Almost as tawdry as “fudge packer,” a muff is an offensive word for a vagina. “Muff diver” is a derogatory term commonly used in reference to lesbians, but technically it applies to anyone who performs cunnilingus. Many queer women have embraced the term, even through inspirational signs with “muff diver” on them.

Case For: Regardless if you think the term is funny or ridiculous, be glad that we’re owning terms that celebrate our sex.

Case Against: Some folks aren’t into cunnilingus.

20. Pillow biter

This term for a gay bottom originates from a 1970s scandal involving British politician Jeremy Thorpe, who was accused of attempting to murder his male lover, Norman Scott, in 1974. During the trials, Scott allegedly explained his unwillingness to bottom by stating: "I just bit the pillow, I tried not to scream because I was frightened of waking Mrs. Thorpe."

Case For: Bottoms need to reclaim a slur specifically aimed at what we do. We already get enough shame in our community.

Case Against: Tops will feel left out.

21. Sodomite

“Sodomite” is the ultimate gay slur. This is a slur of biblical proportions. Counless gay men have been imprisoned or killed for sodomy. To reclaim “sodomite” is to do battle with the scriptures — the same book so many antigay crusaders have clutched in their fists, red-faced, through sermons about why we shouldn’t be allowed to adopt children or be legally married.

Genesis 19:4-7, Genesis 19:12-13, Judges 19:22, 2 Peter 2:6-10, 1 Kings 14:24, 1 Kings 15:12, and Jude 1:7 all talk about God’s condemnation of sodomy as an unnatural act — one which the city of Sodom (from which the word “sodomy” was derived) was destroyed over.

Case For: Celebrating your sodomy makes the right people uncomfortable.

Case Against: Hell.

21 words the queer community has and hasn't reclaimed

Alexander Cheves