Hooking up,
finding love, part 3

Michael Santiago Age: 25 Residence: Madison, Wis. Occupation: Graduate student in chemistry Identifies as: Gay Relationship status: Single

As a Hispanic gay man, I wish there was a place near me where gay people could go out and dance to Latin music while not fearing for their lives. I like going to the local gay club, but it's a completely different culture compared to the one that I grew up in. So I end up feeling empty every time I go out--either to the very straight Latin club or the local gay club. It's bad enough that I have to deal with being a minority; now I have to deal with being a minority within a minority. As for relationships, I feel uncomfortable every time I go to the gay club, so I'm unable to connect with people. Unless I want to be alone for the rest of my life, I'll have to adapt to the culture that surrounds me. Dancing for the sake of dancing, and getting to know people, not as a prelude to a one-night stand.

Elissa Barrett Age: 35 Residence: Los Angeles Occupation: Housing attorney Identifies as: Lesbian Relationship status: Married two years

My wife, Zsa Zsa, and I attend a GLBT synagogue in Los Angeles. One year we were both volunteering during High Holy Days--Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. She was a greeter at the door. I was singing in the choir. Our rebbetzin (rabbi's wife) knew that both of us were single. She asked me what I was looking for in a girlfriend. I told her no one under 30, no one who wasn't done sowing her wild oats, and definitely someone who could carry on a good conversation. The rebbetzin then walked over to my wife-to-be--the author of Secret Service: Untold Stories of Lesbians in the Military--and said, "See that girl. She's funny. She's a lawyer. She wants to get married. You should ask her out." Less than two years later we were married by our rabbi in a beautiful ceremony hosted by my parents. Our rebbetzin and rabbi shared the dance floor as we opened the festivities with a breathtaking hora. What a shadchin (matchmaker)!

Devon Blosch Age: 20 Residence: College Station, Texas Occupation: Student Identifies as: Gay Relationship status: Partnered 2 1/2 years

My partner, Darrell, and I met online. I hate telling people that because they think we won't last. People think it's taboo, that some liar might rape you. But we took it slow, cautious, and we've been together for 21/2 years now and are still going strong. In fact, we recently moved in together and opened a joint bank account as a way of committing to each other. We met on www.xy.com, a gay magazine Web site for teens, where we e-mailed each other for some time before we lost touch for about a month. I don't remember why, but we struck up a conversation up again and started chatting on instant-messenger programs. I started to get romantically interested, and I guess he did too because he asked if I wanted to meet in person. I was a senior in high school, and Darrell was a sophomore in college. We met at the only mall in College Station--Post Oak Mall. We arranged a specific time and spot, the Sonic in the food court. I was so nervous. Darrell was in line getting his signature drink, a Route 44 Vanilla Dr. Pepper. I knew it was him, and we couldn't stop smiling at each other. We introduced ourselves formally and walked around the mall. Two weeks later we became legitimate boyfriends.

Hooking up, finding love, part 2 Hooking up, finding love, part 1