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Cis Woman Mistaken as Transgender Records Being Berated in Bathroom


She stayed cool, calm, and collected as she recorded a stranger's demand that she identify her gender.


A woman in Las Vegas says she remains shaken from her experience last week when another woman berated her in a public restroom for being transgender. The problem is that she's not trans, and, as she puts it, regardless of whether she had been, the entire situation was plainly wrong.

In Las Vegas, Jay, a 24-year-old cis woman, was driving with her boyfriend on Thursday when she said she had to use the restroom.

Jay says the couple stopped at Rampart Casino after being out all day to fix a seat belt on their car.

Because she knew she would take longer, she gave her boyfriend some money to gamble while he waited and she went to the bathroom.

"As soon as I got in, I went straight to a stall," Jay tells The Advocate. "About a minute or so in, I start to hear a woman being extremely aggressive. At first, I wasn't hearing exactly what she was saying until I started hearing her say, 'Trans, figure out your identity at home ... they better not come out of there. .. that's not allowed ... that's a boy, [and] they think this is [OK] because it's being taught in schools.'"

As Jay had recently cut her hair extremely short, she realized the woman was referring to her.

"I don't know why I knew because I've never had this issue since cutting my hair," Jay says. "I take out my phone, and I start recording because my first thought was I don't want her saying I did something in the bathroom and accusing me of anything."

The professional traveling nanny says her motivation to start recording was "more for my safety than anything."

What happened next is captured in a video that Jay posted to her TikTok account where the video was viewed more than four million times. After publication of this story, TikTok took down the video, and Jay received a warning that the content violated TikTok's policy on "grooming."

A TikTok spokesperson tells The Advocate that the content was taken down in error after being flagged as potentially anti-trans material but that a review showed that the content was calling attention to an incident and has been restored.

"Figure out your identity in your bedroom," one can hear a woman saying with a raised and aggressive voice, seemingly speaking to another person in the restroom. "I wouldn't come out if I were you," the stranger continues.

The woman talks about how things are not right, mentions schools and bedrooms, and continues on a lengthy rant until Jay exits the stall and washes her hands.

"A boy, a boy, it's a boy!" the woman can be heard griping. "It's a child!"

Jay never lifts the camera to record the faces of people in the restroom; she only records the floor and feet. However, at least two or three other people are in the bathroom while the woman is relentlessly berating Jay.

"Are you a man or a woman?" the unidentified woman asks Jay as she encroaches on her personal space, standing very close to her.

"Why does that matter?" Jay asks.

"Well, because you're in the ladies' room," the woman replies. "And I have gotten called out several times for being in the men's room, and you're going to be called out for whatever you're doing. So what are you identifying as today?"

"I don't think that's any of your business," Jay says.

"You're in the ladies' room where I think I need to identify you," the woman quips before going on nonsensically and landing on "figure out your identity in your bedroom," before Jay lures the woman out to speak with security.

The video ends, but Jay tells The Advocate that her boyfriend was waiting at the bathroom door. He was alarmed at how long it took for her to come out and noticed security officials had made their way to the bathroom entrance.

Jay says that security separated the two parties and took a report.

"Security told me it didn't matter what my identity was and that she was out of line," Jay says. "They were extremely apologetic and reassured me she was kicked out for the day and to enjoy my time at the casino."

However, Jay says that she found out that the woman was allowed back on the property on Monday. "So I am going to get her information to press charges," she says.

A representative for the Rampart Casino condemned the incident and told The Advocate that police are now involved in the incident.

"Rampart Casino does not condone this behavior, and this situation is not being taken lightly. We are working with local law enforcement, and the incident is being actively investigated," said Michelle Bacigalupi, vice president and general manager for Rampart Casino.

A comment from Las Vegas police was not immediately available, however, after publication, a Las Vegas Metropolitan Police Department spokesperson told The Advocate that no record of any call as described existed in the police database.

A subsequent request for clarification to Rampart Casino went unanswered.

Jay says she's shocked at the situation still.

"I'm used to being mistaken as someone younger, as I'm on the shorter side and look younger. But the fact this lady was thinking I was a child and was talking about me [and] to me this way was extremely concerning," Jay says.

Jay also notes that nobody came to her aid during the confrontation.

"On the inside, I was already panicking because I could already feel the fact no one would be helping me in this situation, as she had been venting for several minutes and no one had shut her down or said anything," Jay says.

The video has received more than 2.5 million views on TikTok and thousands of comments, most of them supportive and praising Jay's level-headedness. However, she says it was mostly smoke and mirrors.

"While everyone thinks I'm calm and collected, I was actually just trying not to cry or panic," she says.

Jay is incensed by the situation as she continues to think about it.

"When she tried to have me identify myself again and was harassing me for my age, the only thing I could think about was what if I was a child?" Jay says. "Or what if I was trans? What if I was both? I had to stand my ground to not answer those questions because no one should feel like they have the right to ask those types of questions. It was none of her business."

Jay explains that part of her refusing to identify was because of her allyship with the transgender community.

"When she asks me if I'm a man or woman, I know I could have told her I was a woman, and it might have solved the issue in that moment, but I couldn't do that. I couldn't let her think that questioning and interrogating people to find out their identity was OK," Jay says.

Regardless of a child's gender identity, there should be no attacks on them for expressing themselves, she says.

"I'm a nanny to some kids who specifically like to wear baggy clothes because it's more comfortable, who wear their hair short because that's how they like it. They should be able to express themselves however they want without the fear of someone questioning [or] harassing them."

Note: This story was updated to reflect new information from the Las Vegas Metropolitan Police Department as well as to provide an update on the video's removal from TikTok.

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