The Silliness of Weinergate

COMMENTARY: It was the icing on the absurdly scandalishous cake: one of the Howard Stern's merry pranksters, Benjy Bronk, interrupting Congressman Anthony Weiner's resignation press conference with a burning question: "Are you more than seven inches?"

He followed up with the question, "Were you fully erect? America demands to know!"

Some people commented on Facebook that they thought it was unfair to kick the Weiner when he was limp, but he is the one who turned his own sad episode into the best comedy of the summer.

When it comes to recent sex scandals, it's not the act itself that's hilarious. It's the cover-up.

The voting public needs to grow up and recognize that politicians like sending out dick pics and get off on sexting as much their fellow Americans do.

But it's also time for someone in Washington to lead, to stand up and say, "Yes, I really am seven inches," and, "No, I wasn't fully hard." If I were Weiner, I'd be posting an "It Gets Bigger" video to YouTube.

The funniest thing is that Weiner called former president Bill Clinton, to apologize. Clinton liked chubby Jewish girls sitting under his desk who he could use like an ashtray.

Clinton's "I did not have sex with that woman" sound bite is perhaps the most memorable moment of his presidency. And who can forget the "I- just have a wide stance" excuse used by former Republican senator Larry Craig to explain his arrest for trying beat his senatorial meat in an airport bathroom stall with an undercover cop.
Had Craig simply said, "I needed a lay on my layover," we would have all forgotten about him by now.

It is absolutely beyond me why these sex scandals end political careers, other than the fact that we see what creative bald-faced liars our leaders are.

I'm not convinced that American society is so old-fashioned and puritanical that it actually cares whether a politician is participating in sexual infidelity. It becomes a different story when you impregnate your videographer and use campaign money to cover it up -- while your wife is dying of cancer. John Edwards is a special case in this regard. He could have told the truth from the outset, and we'd still think he's a heartless creep.

I believe that if Bill Clinton, back in the day, instead of lying and mumbling on national TV, had simply said that he has absolutely no interest in talking about his affairs, it would have done nothing and resulted in a lot less damage to his popularity.

Apparently politicians believe that job performance is not the most important criteria on which they're judged. It also doesn't help when they use their wives and children as campaign props.

If American society is really so closed-minded, then someone should break the news that 99.9% of men are cheating. Someone explain this to Nancy Pelosi. There is no way in hell that her husband has been always loyal to her. And if he has been, I feel really sorry for the guy.

Finally, in other news, I'd like to announce today that I'm launching a new iPhone app. It's like Grindr, but for straight people. It's called "Weinr."