Gretchen Whitmer, ‘a Midwest lesbian’s mom,’ has a message for Democrats waffling on LGBTQ+ rights

Michigan Gov. Gretchen Whitmer introduced herself to more than 2000 attendees at the Human Rights Campaign’s National Dinner on Saturday at the Washington Hilton as “a Midwest lesbian’s mom.” She also brought a political argument. Defending LGBTQ+ people is a way to win, even in a state as closely contested as hers, she said.

“Fighting for basic fundamental freedoms is the right thing to do and the politically smart thing to do every single time,” Whitmer told the audience.

The dinner brought together activists, political leaders, and entertainers weeks before the midterm elections. From the stage, speakers described what families and LGBTQ+ communities stand to lose under the Trump administration. They also asked what allies and candidates are prepared to do.

A red line for candidates

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HRC President Kelley Robinson offered the evening’s most pointed test. “If you are running for office, you cannot be anti-trans and pro-equality,” she said.

Robinson accused Republicans of using anti-transgender campaign ads to distract from other concerns. She warned candidates who support LGBTQ+ rights not to accept that framing. “Do not get played,” she said. “Stand with your voters. Stand with the LGBTQ community. Stand with us, and we will stand with you.”

Robinson called for majorities in both chambers of Congress that would defend LGBTQ+ rights. Among her demands of a new Congress were ending the ban on transgender military service, restoring HIV funding, and bringing back qualified and dedicated LGBTQ+ counselors for the 988 crisis line. But her speech reached beyond the election. She described meeting parents fearful for their transgender children and warned that rights won over decades remain vulnerable.

“We are in a history-making moment,” Robinson said. “This is the time to say out loud what we already know to be true: That immigrants belong here. Black lives still matter. Love is still love. Trans women are women. And every child deserves all the protection and joy this world has to offer.”

Whitmer’s definition of freedom

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Whitmer’s keynote made a related case in the language of everyday life. Fundamental freedoms, she said, include the power to decide when to start a family, see a doctor, find housing, and earn a living. “As leaders, we should be fighting for every person to have those basic freedoms — no matter who they are or who they sleep next to,” she said.

She pointed to Michigan, where she signed a 2023 expansion of the Elliott-Larsen Civil Rights Act protecting people from discrimination based on sexual orientation, gender identity, and gender expression. Her daughter stood beside her at the signing.

Whitmer told dinner attendees that her oldest daughter had come out to her through a college application essay about the community to which she belonged. “I didn’t know I was raising a gay daughter all those years, but I am damn proud I did,” she said.

The governor challenged politicians who portray LGBTQ+ people as threats to families while fighting over bathrooms and books. She argued that families face more immediate harm from cuts to public benefits, education, and medical research. She urged the audience to carry its political power into November.

“There is nothing more American than fighting for your freedom and nothing less American than denying it to someone else,” she said.

What an ally owes

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The dinner also honored actor Marcia Gay Harden with HRC’s Ally for Equality Award. Accepting it from actor Camryn Manheim, Harden spoke about what her children have taught her and the work required of people who call themselves allies.

“Love is making room for another person to tell you who they are,” Harden said, “and then, having the decency, the joy, and the courage to believe them.” She put the lesson plainly: “Allyship is not a pose, it’s a practice.”

Harden recalled once telling her children that theirs was simply a family, without a label. “But I was wrong,” she said. “Queer families have a little bit more fun.” She urged parents and friends to welcome young people who cannot find acceptance at home. “No one in this community needs to accomplish anything to enter the room of deserving,” she said.

Actor André De Shields and New York City ballroom icon Junior LaBeija each received HRC’s Legendary Visibility Award. De Shields urged the audience to draw on the knowledge of people who have faced earlier crises. LaBeija recalled meeting Marsha P. Johnson and Sylvia Rivera, visiting memorials for Quentin Crisp and Matthew Shepard, and working the pier.

What Whitmer told The Advocate

Hours before the dinner, Whitmer had addressed the political question behind her keynote in an exclusive interview with The Advocate. Some Democratic strategists have urged candidates to change how they talk about transgender issues. As The Advocate has reported, the centrist group Third Way advised avoiding terms including “LGBTQIA+” and “cisgender.” A Center for American Progress paper opposed blanket bans on transgender athletes while saying some restrictions may be appropriate. Advocates criticized that approach as accepting a debate shaped by opponents of transgender rights.

Whitmer’s answer was her record. “Michigan is a very swing state, and I’ve never wavered on these issues, and politically, I’ve been successful,” she told The Advocate.

She also described the limits of assuming that a supportive parent fully understands a child’s experience. Even as a longtime ally, Whitmer said, she learned how hard it was for her daughter to come out. “She wasn’t sure how to do it,” Whitmer said. Her daughter, she added, “deserves to be protected and respected under the law.”

“I think we should just be honest,” Whitmer said of the political debate. “This is about fundamental freedoms. This is about dignity for people, no matter who you love or how you identify.”