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Labor of Love

Thomas Beatie gives The Advocate a first-person account of how it feels to be pregnant and carrying a child for his wife and himself.


To our neighbors, my wife, Nancy, and I don’t appear in the least unusual. To those in the quiet Oregon community where we live, we are viewed just as we are -- a happy couple deeply in love. Our desire to work hard, buy our first home, and start a family was nothing out of the ordinary. That is, until we decided that I would carry our child.

I am transgender, legally male, and legally married to Nancy. Unlike those in same-sex marriages, domestic partnerships, or civil unions, Nancy and I are afforded the more than 1,100 federal rights of marriage. Sterilization is not a requirement for sex reassignment, so I decided to have chest reconstruction and testosterone therapy but kept my reproductive rights. Wanting to have a biological child is neither a male nor female desire, but a human desire.

Ten years ago, when Nancy and I became a couple, the idea of us having a child was more dream than plan. I always wanted to have children. However, due to severe endometriosis 20 years ago, Nancy had to undergo a hysterectomy and is unable to carry a child. But after the success of our custom screen-printing business and a move from Hawaii to the Pacific Northwest two years ago, the timing finally seemed right. I stopped taking my bimonthly testosterone injections. It had been roughly eight years since I had my last menstrual cycle, so this wasn’t a decision that I took lightly. My body regulated itself after about four months, and I didn’t have to take any exogenous estrogen, progesterone, or fertility drugs to aid my pregnancy.

Our situation sparks legal, political, and social unknowns. We have only begun experiencing opposition from people who are upset by our situation. Doctors have discriminated against us, turning us away due to their religious beliefs. Health care professionals have refused to call me by a male pronoun or recognize Nancy as my wife. Receptionists have laughed at us. Friends and family have been unsupportive; most of Nancy’s family doesn’t even know I’m transgender.

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Reader Comments
  • Name: Michael
    Date posted: 6/12/2009 4:28:00 AM
    Hometown: Gods Own State

    Comment:

    Congratulation to you Thomas and Family,and i wish and the kids a wonderful and happy future ahead

  • Name: Anna Persson
    Date posted: 6/9/2009 6:39:00 PM
    Hometown: Mariestad, Sweden

    Comment:

    Why can`t people leave them alone? They bring children into this world WITH LOVE! Some parents DON`T do that. You can`t deny people love and wanting to have a family. They just had their second child and I wish them lots of love and happines. (Sorry for my bad english-I`m from Sweden)

  • Name: jedidiah
    Date posted: 4/3/2009 3:24:00 AM
    Hometown: egypt

    Comment:

    read (romans 1) in the holy bible also (ephesians 2) god bless you

  • Name: Shannon
    Date posted: 4/2/2009 11:33:00 AM
    Hometown: Oregon

    Comment:

    They grow stronger by the day For others they've paved a new way It took togetherness, encouragement, and love And because of their strengths they were blessed with a bundle from above She'll grow, learn, and play And be just as courageous and also as accepting one day.

  • Name: Shannon Gale
    Date posted: 4/2/2009 11:16:00 AM
    Hometown: Bend, Oregon

    Comment:

    Labor of Love By Thomas Beatie broke down what I didn't understand in an open, frank, and honest way. It wasn't from a point of view that was trying to convince or change people's minds. That's probably precisely why I was able to read it in such an open-minded way and was able to learn about what I didn't understand. Perhaps in writing that book you'll achieve more than you ever imagined...

  • Name: Shannon Gale
    Date posted: 4/1/2009 11:16:00 AM
    Hometown: Bend, Oregon

    Comment:

    I'm not transgender, I'm not pregnant, I'm not in a gay relationship... So, none of the issues in this book relate to my personal life... However, I'm glad I read it! I went from being intrigued and a little confused or against what I didn't understand to understanding and even supporting the fight those two strong souls(Nancy and Thomas) are going through. I really wish they could read this! If it involves a consenting adult and it feels right in that person's heart and it's not hurting anyone than the choices that a person makes needs to be accepted regardless of other people's not understanding.

  • Name: LISA
    Date posted: 3/28/2009 4:02:00 PM
    Hometown: Belton

    Comment:

    It really outrages me,the world judges so.Two men together want to raise a child they are sick and the childs life will be deestroyed.Two woman want to have a child and its the same thing the childs life will be destroyed.A man and a woman want to have a child .the woman cant conceive the man wants to and its the same thing the childs life will be destroyed.Bcause he/she will have to tell their friends that dad carried him. I say wat difference does it make.as long as there is love and respect .Andd the child is taught this. So Thomas congraulations to you and your wife .i think it is great !

  • Name: Jeremy
    Date posted: 3/25/2009 8:05:00 AM
    Hometown: Concord, CA

    Comment:

    get a life and stay out of these peoples' business.

  • Name: Jim
    Date posted: 3/16/2009 2:02:00 PM
    Hometown: San Francisco

    Comment:

    All you people who support this are freaks. The child in now being born into a fundamentally unnatural (and wrong) situation due to no fault of her own! How can people support this?!

  • Name: jessica
    Date posted: 2/17/2009 9:38:00 PM
    Hometown: humble

    Comment:

    i support you 100000000000% dnt pay any attention to all the negativity people are just jelous!!! but im glad you and your wife are happyy and congrats on the baby and i watched your show on tlc and im glad you spoke out! so yeah

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