Lisa Lampanelli Will F**k You Up

'Round and 'round
she goes, and where she stops, expect her to blow.
That’s pretty much how you can sum up savage insult
comic Lisa Lampanelli. The woman has been heralded as
the female Don Rickles -- with shades of TV’s
Archie Bunker tossed in for good measure -- and she spares
no one. An equal-opportunity offender, she’ll
verbally butcher Asians, Hispanics, African-Americans,
and LGBT people in her unabashed comedy routines.
Funny thing is, we all know she’s kidding… Or
is she?

Lampanelli leaves
no cultural stone unturned in her intoxicating first
HBO special, Lisa Lampanelli: Long Live the
Queen, which airs on the network all month. In an
Advocate.com exclusive, the loveable “queen of
mean” rants about dating, whether or not she
would “do” Obama, her forthcoming book, and
why “homos” just love her so damn much.

Advocate.com: I would just like to say that I think you would make
a good Renta-Yenta.Lisa Lampanelli: Absolutely. If I were a Jew
bitch. I’d be perfect.

But you’re an actress. You can pretend. That’s true. I mean, I am the best actor
-- in the world!

Please. You’re amazing. Hello! I wanna be on Broadway. I mean, that
big-headed dyke-a-saurus Rosie O’Donnell did
it.

Well… Hell, yes!

Too funny. Why do I think it would be fun to marry you? You know, people always say that -- except black
guys. They don’t wanna marry me, but they do
wanna stick it in.

Hmm. Well, we could have a lot in common. You like the chocolate love?

You know…What is that? They’re so hot. They’re in
great shape. And they have girth.

Always helps. Anyway, it is good to talk to you. You too, homo.