WATCH: 'The Pope Came Out of the Closet?' Asks Stephen Colbert
On The Colbert Report Monday, Stephen Colbert tackled the historic news that Pope Benedict XVI will resign at the end of the month — the first pope to voluntarily step down in more than 700 years. Noting that he started his day by reading a Huffington Post headline that simply stated "Pope Out," Colbert was aghast.
"Naturally, I was shocked," says Colbert. "The pope came out of the closet? I mean, it makes sense. The guys hasn't had a girlfriend in, like, forever. And he's a total catch."
Watch Colbert's analysis of the pope's resignation, including his assumption that as Catholic cardinals select a new pope, they're likely to signal their decision by the traditional smoke rising from a chimney in the Sistine Chapel. Colbert notes that while black smoke signifies the cardinals have not made a decision, white smoke signals a new pope selected, and "I assume slacker pope is [signaled by] bong smoke."
Colbert then turns to the Papal Speculatron 7500 to consider candidates to take over the papacy, including Ghana's Cardinal Peter Turkson, a priest who has reportedly supported efforts in Africa to further criminalize homosexuality, including legislation like Uganda's so-called kill the gays bill, which would prescribe the death penalty for some LGBT people.
Watch Colbert's power rant on the papacy below.