"I’m Gonna Die of Barfness"  | Project Runway | Advocate.com

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"I’m Gonna Die of Barfness"
The Project Runway designers make outfits from Levi’s. Let the mass yawning commence.
An Advocate.com exclusive posted January 25, 2008

Victorya can’t get Sweet P’s name right. It’s morning at the lady apartment and Victorya keeps calling Sweet P “Kit.”

“My name’s not Kit!” whines Sweet P, suggesting that this has happened before. All the white devils look the same, so that’s understandable, really. I don’t blame Victorya for this. I don’t even blame her when she does it again seconds later. If anything, it’s less about all blond Caucasians resembling one another than it is about Victorya probably wanting someone to say, “Kit’s not here!” so that V can think to herself, “But I am.”

In any case, Sweet P yells again, “My names’s not Kit! My name is Sweet P.” Even though that’s not really her name either.

Cut to the man apartment. Chris and Rami sit in chairs and chat. “Seven people left,” says Chris.

“Well, nothing changed here. We’re all still here,” says Rami. “And look at how much thinner I am compared to you.” OK, Rami didn’t say that last part. But I always think that he’s got stuff like that in his head now. And he’s still dead to me for being so awful to Sweet P. I’ve not forgiven him. Maybe I never will. On Judgment Day, when I’m standing next to Prince in front of my savior Jesus and then Jesus goes, “You were supposed to forgive people, even that dick Rami,” I’ll say, “I know, but he was such a dick. And to Sweet P!” Then I imagine Jesus will say, “That’s true. Come on in to heaven.”

Cut to Ricky. “I’m trying to be excited about everything,” he says, on interview-cam. “But it’s hard to be excited when every time you go to elimination you’re told that you’re not good enough.” Oh, boo hoo. Suck it up.

The seven remaining designers gather at the runway for their next challenge. Heidi emerges wearing what appears to be a unitard that was recently used to sweep a chimney by Dick Van Dyke. AND SHE LOOKS GREAT. I really wish Heidi were more involved in the on-camera aspect of this show rather than just showing up at the beginning and the end. I’d like her to flounce through the workroom from time to time with Tim, even if it’s just to show us her latest outfit and bark German curse words at people she simply finds unamusing that day. I have some suggestions:

Fick dich ins Knie (fuck off)

Leck mich doch am Arsch (lick my ass). And this is Goethe, so you know it's classy.

Das ist zum Kotzen (that makes me wanna puke)

potthäßlich (really fucking ugly)

Boah, das geht mir total auf den Sack, ey (that's supremely irritating)

Steckdosenbefruchter (electrical socket impregnator)

Homofürst der Finsternis = ("faggot Prince of Darkness")*

(*thanks, Chris P.)

The camera cuts to Victorya looking sad. I can’t figure out why she looks like that. My friend Xtreem Aaron is sitting on the couch watching the show too, and says, “I dated an Asian girl in high school.” Like Victorya just reminded him of that for some reason. Then he says, “She had a Vespa. I looked really cute on the back of it.” That he didn’t figure out he was gay until almost 10 years later is the punch line of that little anecdote.

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Dave White is the author of Exile in Guyville, where more of his opinions on flip-flops can be read in greater detail. Find him at www.imdavewhite.com.
Keywords:  Dave White  Project Runway 

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