Op-ed: Girl Meets Girl, Girl Gets Pregnant
September 27 2012 10:49 AM ET
For LGBT Fertility Week, MyFertilityChoices.com is sharing a series of articles and essays about LGBT parenting with The Advocate. Click here for the original post.
I have been attracted to both men and women for as long as I can remember. I am drawn to a person’s personality and energy — to me, it is less about whether they are male or female. I always knew I wanted to become a mother, but I wasn’t sure whether or not that would be with a man or a woman. It didn’t really matter — although the logistics would certainly be easier with a male partner! I figured I’d cross that bridge when I got there.
I spent my early 20s in a number of different short-term relationships with various men and women. Then in my early 30s I met Wes. It was like “va-voom” — I actually fell in love for the first time in my life. My family really liked him as well. I’m sure my parents were relieved that I was over that “stage” in my life when I was attracted to women, and that I was finally settling down in a monogamous “hetero” relationship. All our friends were having kids and I thought Wes would be a great dad. So we stopped using birth control. Nothing happened. Six months, nine months, a year later, we still weren’t pregnant. I wanted to see a fertility doctor, but Wes wasn’t interested. No wonder — it turns out he was cheating on me and having an affair with another woman.
I was devastated — especially when I found out he ended up getting her pregnant!
For the next few years I kept myself safe and didn’t get involved with anyone. Then I met Lindsay. She seemed like an angel sent from the universe to help me heal my wounded soul and build a beautiful life together. We both love travel, wine, good food, and dogs. We moved in together a few months after we met and got two puppies — Rosie and Riley.
I guess because I was now in a lesbian relationship my friends and family gave up on the idea of me having kids. Little did they know that Lindsay and I both wanted to be parents — but Lindsay had no interest in being pregnant and the thought of childbirth terrified her.
That meant if we were going to have a family it would have to be me having the babies. But since I didn’t get pregnant with Wes and he fathered a child with another woman, we didn’t know if it was even possible for me to get pregnant. So I went through a bunch of medical tests and some minor surgery. Then we had to see a counselor and pick a sperm donor.
We decided to go with an open-identity, anonymous donor in case our kids wanted to find out more information about their roots when they are older. It took a while, but I finally got pregnant after my fourth insemination. I’m now eight months pregnant and we’re waiting to meet our little girl. It might have been easier to have had a family with Wes, but what a mistake that would have been! Lindsay is going to be a fabulous mother, and I know that our daughter is going to be truly blessed to have two moms who will love her to bits.