Best (Holiday) Tweet Ever

\u201cMom sent me Drakkar Noir deodorant for Christmas. I guess she thinks date rape is her only shot at grandchildren.\u201d

— Jami Smith (@Jami Smith) 1324163114

\u201cThe third Wise Man was, not that bright, but "The Two Wise Men and One Who Learns At His Own Pace" didn't sound right.\u201d

— Paula Poundstone (@Paula Poundstone) 1324620166

\u201cI don't know what to give my nieces and nephews since they're in jr high. Think it'll be the usual: gift certificates to the Pleasure Chest.\u201d

— One Mean Queen (@One Mean Queen) 1324176458

\u201cHow many mall Santas are bears? Like 90%, right?\u201d

— rob delaney (@rob delaney) 1324240844

\u201cMaking a list, checking it twice, gonna find out who I'm unfriending from high school.\u201d

— hipstermermaid (@hipstermermaid) 1324621602

\u201cIt never feels like Christmas until I see two white people fighting over the last loaf of gluten-free ginger cookies at Trader Joe's.\u201d

— Rex Huppke (@Rex Huppke) 1324497656

\u201cOut of all of Santa's reindeer, the one that sounds most like a street name for crystal meth is all of them.\u201d

— Megan Amram (@Megan Amram) 1324489762

\u201cNothing says "I don't know anything about your life anymore" like sending a family member a Hickory Farms Gift Basket for Christmas.\u201d

— Scott Luhrs (@Scott Luhrs) 1324501754

\u201cMake sure your bathroom is comfortable, you never know how long you and your fake diarrhea might have to live in there. #Christmas\u201d

— Jenny Johnson (@Jenny Johnson) 1324618377