With the economy
continuing to slow, conventional wisdom tells us
that "now is the time to invest" in real estate
and other undervalued forms of property. But while this is
potentially a great opportunity for the select few who
continue to enjoy disposable income, or have robust savings
accounts from fairly recent days of prosperity, investing is
out of the question for those struggling to pay the
rent, mortgage, or even the electric bill. And believe it or
not, DINKS (double-income, no kids) and SINKS (single-income,
no kids) -- who comprise the majority of the gay population --
are experiencing this very situation.
If you've been caught
in this vortex of rising costs and loss of income, you're not
alone, although you may feel as if you
are. Despite a steady stream of television
commercials featuring happy vacationers chirping about
cheap hotel rooms and airfare to exotic locales, and seemingly
sensible Americans suddenly purchasing eco-smart
"green" cars, this is not reality for the majority of
people. Taking a vacation or buying a new car is the last thing
on the minds of most Americans, gay or straight.
Have you ever noticed
that we gay people are really good at making
everything look fabulous in our lives, even when it's not?
Maybe this ability comes from our survival mechanism of
ignoring ridicule and minimizing the pain of
being disowned by our families, co-workers, or
society. We've learned how to hold our heads high, with
dignity, no matter what might be falling apart around us. But
do not for a second believe that you are the only one in the
gay community who is hurting financially. It's happening to
almost everyone.
The danger of
pretending that your financial belt doesn't
need tightening right now -- or believing the pretense
of people who continue to spend money they don't have for the
sake of appearance -- is that you're making the
situation worse not only for yourself, but also
for the economy. If we as a community were to invest
even half the amount of money we spend on "going out" into
mid-level return securities, the positive financial benefits
over our lifetimes would blow our minds.
As I explained in my
book
Here's What We'll Say
, I believe that early life experiences
of suppression, hatred, and discrimination causes many
gay people to spend more than they have. According to
GayMoney.com
, there are four groups with different "spending
reactions" to growing up this way. "Ghettoists" is
the word used to describe people who pay to join
special interests groups that help them forge
an identity different from that in which they were
raised. "Assimilationists," on the other hand, use
their money to buy acceptance, by buying into consumer society;
these are people who actually believe advertising hype.
"Isolationists" tend to seek security in
things-objects-furnishing their homes as fortresses against the
harsh world of their childhood, where such things, or
the feeling that things give them, were nonexistent. Those in
the fourth group, called "A-gays," often invest in fantasy
lifestyles adorned with symbols of superiority.
I'm going to add a
fifth group to this list: "Bribers." These are people
who spend ridiculous amounts of money on friends or family who
might spurn us if it weren't for our generosity.
I'm not pointing
fingers or saying there's something wrong with you if you
spend for any of these reasons. These are normal responses to
what you may have experienced growing up, and frankly,
some of it does a great deal for others, moves the economy, and
may give you a damn-comfortable life. However, we tend
to go overboard in these spending reactions. Taking
someone out to dinner to prove you're generous despite
your sexual orientation may make you feel great, but do it
once, not every day. Live in a nice apartment or
house, but don't let it rule your financial life so that you
can't travel or give back to the community.
You can improve your
situation and make it through the long haul of this world
economic disaster, but the first and most important piece of
advice I can give you is to be honest with those
around you about your situation. Yes, swallow your pride and
let your friends and family know that you're cutting back
because things are tough right now. What you'll find by being
honest is that people around you-even those you would
never expect-will actually chip in to help you. Whether it's
your wealthier friends insisting you come out to dinner and
then paying the bill, or a beloved aunt, uncle, or even parent
sliding you an extra $100 or even $1,000 to get you through a
tough time, these great financial assists happen more often
than you may think. Your friends who aren't doing so well
financially will bond with you over the challenges you're both
facing, and you'll find ways to have fun without spending $14
on a drink at the baraEUR|four times in a night.
This brings me to my
second most important point: Stop paying so much for alcohol
and eating out. In an urban setting like New York or West
Hollywood, a bar drink can run anywhere from $14 to $22. Bars
remain symbolic in our community as the place to be social, be
seen, and meet others. We just don't have gay mini-golf
courses and bowling alleys that would afford us hours of social
time for a small fee. If you go out three nights a week,
dropping a hundred bucks each night, it can easily total $1200
per month, or over $14K per year! For that kind of money, you
could drive a pretty flashy car. Better yet, if
you invest this in an IRA starting at age 21, sooner
or later the market will turn around, and you'll
be well on your way to becoming a multimillionaire by
the time you're ready to retire.
This doesn't mean
you have to stay home. Instead of going to expensive places,
find a bar with drink specials at $1 a beer, or extended happy
hour discounts. These actually exist, I assure you, but please
give your car keys to someone beforehand.
Another idea is to buy
a bottle of wine and go to an alcohol-permitted park. As spring
evenings get progressively warmer, there are plenty
of free concerts in parks. Or buy yourself a cookbook
and throw BYOB house parties or potluck dinners.
Learning to cook at home will expand your wallet while
it shrinks your waistline.
Before I close, let me
point out that we should be spending less not just because of
the economy, but also because of legally
imposed financial challenges to the gay community.
Since we can't legally marry, employer-based
health plans exact tax penalties to cover our partners. We
can't give military benefits to our partners while we're
alive, nor extend social security benefits to our partners
during our lives or after we're gone. Until rules
changes, the best way to provide security for your partner in
the event of your death is to write an
inclusive will leaving your partner a cash inheritance
from an account or life insurance policy.
Before we think about
dying, however, let's think about living and living right,
within our means, as tough as that may be for many of us. Let's
identify ourselves as spenders and understand why we spend the
way we do. Let's be honest about that spending and our current
financial situation and social challenges, and find
ways to have fun without laying
out ridiculous amounts of money on alcohol and food.
With these simple life changes, we can turn our gay financial
lives around for the better. I'll see you at the concert in the
park. Feel free to come over to my blanket, and I'll pour you a
plastic cup of my tasty $5 cabernet.