CONTACTStaffCAREER OPPORTUNITIESADVERTISE WITH USPRIVACY POLICYPRIVACY PREFERENCESTERMS OF USELEGAL NOTICE
© 2024 Pride Publishing Inc.
All Rights reserved
All Rights reserved
By continuing to use our site, you agree to our Private Policy and Terms of Use.
Amid the multitude of information written about the reign of the late pope, one item lodged itself in my brain. In 2003 a Vatican document written on behalf of John Paul II by then-cardinal Joseph Ratzinger--now Pope Benedict XVI--declared, "Allowing children to be adopted by persons living in [same-sex] unions would actually mean doing violence to these children."
As a lesbian mother of an adopted child living in a 14-year marriage (to a woman), I was incensed by that statement. I had to go for a run to calm my boiling blood. Did the spiritual leader to a billion people really tell the world that simply by loving my partner and daughter I am doing violence to my child?
When Rachel and I first adopted our daughter, she was living in an orphanage in rural China. She was underweight and infected with scabies--and she was one of the healthier babies! Some of the others were so undernourished or ill that they died before we arrived. Our daughter was 8 months old and could not sit up. She had never been bathed in a tub or held a toy. She would entertain herself by moving her hand from side to side, held high above her head, like a mobile.
The first time we held her, she smiled ecstatically. It was as if she knew that she had found her family. We felt the same way. For seven years we have loved our daughter. She has doting grandparents, cousins, relatives. She has a life of possibility ahead of her. Although her mamas are far from perfect, we encourage her to be and do whatever she aspires to. We do not hit or abuse her in any way. We do not call her names or allow anyone else to do so. We are fiercely protective of her well-being. How can the pope tell her that living with her mothers does her harm?
Staying in the orphanage--though her caretakers did the best they could--harmed her. Not having enough to eat? No one to comfort her at night? A lifetime of stigma for being an orphan? That is violence--to her body, mind, psyche, soul.
Patriarchal traditions and government policies in China cause biological parents to discard their girl children by the millions so they can try to have sons--95% of the babies in China's orphanages are female. This is violence. Welcoming these babies into our hearts and loving them is not. Forcing lesbians and gay men into the closet, where we must deny our love and identity in order to adopt--as Rachel and I did in China--is violence. This closed-minded bigotry is what harms our children. Being gay does not.
States that don't allow adoption by gays? Violence. Parents who disown their children for being gay or acting too butch for a girl, too fem for a boy? Violence. Teachers who underestimate children because of their race or class or gender? Violence. Lesbian- and gay-headed families who love their children unconditionally? That's love.
It's challenging to raise kids, no matter what kind of family you have. If your child is pressured daily to conform to a world that devalues her family, your challenges are multiplied. We gay parents strive to expose our children to an alternative world where their parents and families are valued and affirmed, not vilified. That is the antithesis of violence. Maybe it's not too late for the new pope to learn the difference
Want more breaking equality news & trending entertainment stories?
Check out our NEW 24/7 streaming service: the Advocate Channel!
Download the Advocate Channel App for your mobile phone and your favorite streaming device!
From our Sponsors
Most Popular
Here Are Our 2024 Election Predictions. Will They Come True?
November 07 2023 1:46 PM
17 Celebs Who Are Out & Proud of Their Trans & Nonbinary Kids
November 30 2023 10:41 AM
Here Are the 15 Most LGBTQ-Friendly Cities in the U.S.
November 01 2023 5:09 PM
Which State Is the Queerest? These Are the States With the Most LGBTQ+ People
December 11 2023 10:00 AM
These 27 Senate Hearing Room Gay Sex Jokes Are Truly Exquisite
December 17 2023 3:33 PM
10 Cheeky and Homoerotic Photos From Bob Mizer's Nude Films
November 18 2023 10:05 PM
30 Steamy Photos of Folsom Street Fair 2023 Debauchery
October 15 2023 11:06 PM
42 Flaming Hot Photos From 2024's Australian Firefighters Calendar
November 10 2023 6:08 PM
These Are the 5 States With the Smallest Percentage of LGBTQ+ People
December 13 2023 9:15 AM
60 Burly Pics from Bearrison Street Fair 2022
October 08 2023 8:30 PM
Watch Now: Advocate Channel
Trending Stories & News
For more news and videos on advocatechannel.com, click here.
Trending Stories & News
For more news and videos on advocatechannel.com, click here.
Latest Stories
Prince William's aversion to spectacle created one — and might spawn a King Harry
March 22 2024 6:24 PM
Outrage after Oklahoma prosecutor declines charges in Nex Benedict bullying death
March 22 2024 5:21 PM
George Santos leaves Republican Party, will run for House seat as independent
March 22 2024 4:07 PM
Catherine, Princess of Wales, announces she has cancer
March 22 2024 2:57 PM
Pride
Yahoo FeedProhibition Wellness & revolutionizing self-care for all
March 22 2024 1:19 PM
Biden sacrifices LGBTQ+ Pride flags at U.S. embassies to pass 'critical' spending bill
March 22 2024 12:37 PM
Tennessee bill would permit anti-LGBTQ+ foster and adoptee parents
March 22 2024 11:54 AM
Plus
Yahoo Feed8 dating tips for gay men from a gay psychotherapist
March 22 2024 11:51 AM
Trans woman assailed during Kanye West's Rolling Loud set beats back 'bullies' (exclusive)
March 22 2024 11:34 AM
Out Congress members outraged as anti-LGBTQ+ bills advance
March 21 2024 6:59 PM
RuPaul shades 'masculine white gay men' who project 'internalized homophobia'
March 21 2024 5:43 PM
Alabama forces universities to implement trans bathroom ban while outlawing DEI
March 21 2024 3:55 PM
'Cruel' Nebraska senator investigated after using colleague's name in a rape scene
March 21 2024 3:51 PM
Police arrest Russian nightclub employees over drag show
March 21 2024 2:24 PM
Pride
Yahoo FeedUnleash your fiery spirit with The Pride Store’s Aries gift guide
March 21 2024 2:08 PM
Cable news coverage of 2023 anti-trans bills lacked trans voices: Media Matters
March 21 2024 12:45 PM