Lessons from a trans man on how to tell our stories

I’ve spent the last 25 years since I transitioned being spoken about by lawmakers, by media, by people who have never met me but feel entitled to decide what my life means. The pressure to explain, justify, or exist as a symbol in somebody else’s mythology is constant. It’s part of why my film, Becoming a Man in 127 EASY Steps, exists: to narrate a trans life from the inside, rather than explain it to outsiders.

We are all living through the same historical moment, but from profoundly different positions. Trans people are being asked to survive the most existentially threatening moment in living memory. Allies are being asked what you’re willing to do to support us with your access to safety and power. A film means something different depending on who’s watching it, and this one has something to say to everyone.

Becoming a Man in 127 EASY Steps is a film that shows what happens when a trans life is allowed to exist beyond simple visibility and beyond the bounds of someone else’s debate. It speaks to trans audiences who recognize themselves in it, but importantly, it also reshapes how cisgender audiences understand the world you share with us. This film is only one story in a vast, uncharted territory full of new images, ideas, and plot twists.

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We’re living a familiar story right now: The '90s playbook is repeating itself, with “gay” and “AIDS” switched out for “trans” and “gender ideology.” It’s as tired as it is dangerous, and it harms everyone. Being trans is liberty and the pursuit of happiness, and if they take them from us, they’ll take them from you next. Everyone should be concerned.

Supporting trans people in telling our own stories and showing up willing to be changed by them form culture change. And that remains one of the most powerful, durable forms of resistance we have against the misinformation machine. You can join the fight for our lives by taking this first step: watch and learn something about a trans life from this film.

The following are five steps I took to build a life and a body of work when no clear path existed. I hope these lessons act as a guide.

1. Keep moving, especially when the path isn’t straight.

When I started my transition in Atlanta in 2000, there was no road map and nowhere to go but forward. OK, sometimes sideways, because life is like that. And sometimes I went backward, staggering under the weight of it all. This film is founded on the truth that progress is not linear, but it is a courageous and political act.

For trans people: Your pace and direction are valid and sacred. It’s your path.

For allies: Reconsider what you count as a milestone, in your life as much as anyone else’s.

2. Tell the story that doesn’t exist yet.

I had to create a one-man show because there was no other way for me to be a professional actor in the cultural reality of the early 2000s. Additionally, there were very few trans stories that showed a trans man having a full, complex life. This film exists because silence was not an option.

For trans people: Your story matters, even if no one has asked for it yet, and especially when they tell you they don’t want to hear it.

For allies: Make room, funding, and an audience for stories you might not understand, and that don’t center your experiences.

3. Stay for the whole story, not just the transition.

This film refuses the framing that transition defines trans life. It spotlights the clear signs that came before, and stays for the long life that came after.

For trans people: You are so much more than one moment of change.

For allies: Don’t disappear once the “interesting part” is over.

4. Move beyond visibility.

Visibility once felt like the goal. Now it’s clear that being seen is not the same as being understood or being safe. Moving beyond visibility means allowing trans stories to exist without demanding that they educate, persuade, or justify their presence.

For trans people: Your life is not a teaching tool.

For allies: The work is to let trans stories change you, not just serve your arguments.

5. Take the risk anyway.

The only thing I regret about transitioning is not doing it sooner. It was one step that sent me in the right direction to find the rest of my life. Today, sharing a trans life publicly carries real risk. It’s labeled “gender ideology,” and trans people are now being labeled extremists — terrorists, even — simply for existing out loud. Still, it is worth it. Silence has never kept us safe.

For all of us: Choose courage over comfort, especially where your freedom and dignity are concerned.