Hooking up, finding love, part 2

In a world where being gay has challenges all its own, finding love can be a difficult task. In this special report we asked readers to tell us where they met–or hoped to meet–that special someone. Was it just about sex? Or was there something more from the start?



John Egan
Age: 41 Residence: Redfern, Australia
Occupation: University professor Identifies as:
Gay Relationship status: Partnered two years;
married eight months

Maximilian and I
met on Gaydar.com, and it was strictly going to be a
hookup. I had temporarily relocated to Australia for work;
he was weeks out of a 10-year relationship. The first
time we got together we had awesome sex, but there was
that magic of potential there too. A week later we
went to a bad movie and had mediocre Chinese barbecue for
dinner, and the next thing I knew he was sleeping in my
apartment. I’m tickled that he is “the
trick that stuck around”—it reflects our
lives, individually and shared.

David Schuller
Age: 43 Residence: Astoria, N.Y.
Occupation: Legal secretary and actor Identifies
as: Gay Relationship status: Engaged one year

I saw Sean on the
altar every Sunday. I thought he was a priest. I had a
little crush on him, but he’s tiny and preppy, and
I’m a big ol’ bear and never would have
thought he would be interested. When we finally got down
to a face-to-face meeting he was cleaning up the altar after
Mass. I went up to him and said, “Hi,
I’m David,” and he gave me a big hug and said,
“I feel like I know you

already; we
should go out to dinner or for coffee or something.”
We went for beers at a neighborhood bar-restaurant
where my gay friends and I hang out. I started braying
about disappointments in past relationships and how I
just wanted to find a relationship “where two men
find their synthesis, with God as its source, and
aren’t afraid to belong to one another.”
Sean replied, “I believe I can help you with
that.” On our third date I was walking him to
the subway. I gave him a kiss and watched him walk
down the steps, when he sealed the deal: He looked back and
waved goodbye again. I proposed to him six months later.
We’ve been apart maybe three times since then.

Donovan Whitehurst
Age: 32 Residence: San Francisco
Occupation: Account administrator Identifies as:
Gay Relationship status: Partnered two years

I first met Fred
through an online message board I belong to called
DancingBearsSF. It’s a group of huskier, hairier guys
who also happen to dig clubs and house music. We met
on New Year’s Day on a dance floor, both
dressed in pajamas. While I had on some comfy pajama
bottoms, Fred showed up in a baby-blue thermal onesie
with counting sheep all over it. I was utterly
smitten. He asked me for a kiss. The attraction was
instant. Our first date was low-key, romantic, and simple.
He was smart, funny, and very sexy. He told me that he
had become attracted to me through the posts I was
writing for the board. I was flattered—and turned
on even more. I’ve never been one to believe that
people who meet in bars don’t or won’t
last in the long run. I feel the same way about chatting
and meeting folks online. In the end, it’s all about
how you communicate outside those places. If
you’re spending all your time in a bar, you’ve
probably found a great drinking buddy. And if you’re
spending all of your time online, you’re
probably not communicating at all. My partner, Fred,
and I met in both places, and we now share a home and life
together outside of both.

Demi Wiemann
Age: 26 Residence: Janesville,
Wis. Occupation: Graduate student
Identifies as: Lesbian Relationship status:
Partnered two years

I met my
girlfriend, Gaia, at a women’s hockey game at the
University of Wisconsin. I went with a friend, and we
sat next to Gaia. I had a boyfriend at the time, and
according to Gaia, I was so “out of her
league” that she never even thought of pursuing me
romantically. A few weeks later I ran into her at a
local gay dance club. The first thing out of her mouth
was “What’s your beef?” Unassuming, I
replied, “Not much. I am going to Europe in a
week.” I must have misunderstood her, because I
guess her question really was, Do I like girls? She bought
me a drink, and we danced. She smelled amazing. But we
didn’t kiss. Later I went over to watch a movie
at her place. I was in her room, and I remember holding
her hand, to her surprise. After the first movie she asked
me if she could kiss me, and I said yes. Then she
asked me to stay over. I said no but did it anyway.
The next week, when I was in Europe, I thought about
her all the time. Many of my gay and straight friends
question why I am with her. They say I am too hot for
her. This has never made sense to me, because I think
Gaia is beautiful. Right now we are so happy. We have a
dog together and can’t wait to be done with school
next year and eventually buy a house and maybe have
kids. I can’t imagine life without her.

Hooking up, finding
love, part 1

Hooking up, finding
love, part 3

Tags: Commentary