Not to start on a downer, but when you are dying, you will not remember the hours at the office or the many shoes you bought. You will remember the relationships — good, bad, and ugly — that sparked through your life. They are the most frustrating part of living, and they are absolutely what we live for.
I’m going to describe these 16 “time to break up” signs in reference to my own relationships, so in all the following scenarios the person with whom my imaginary relationship is ending will be “him” — that is, a gay man. “Him” represents all the guys, most of them good and loyal, who I hurt and let down, or who simply drifted away from me the way we invariably do from each other. But I want to stress that “him” can and should be interchanged with “her,” “them,” “ze,” “xe,” or any nonbinary pronoun you or your partner(s) identify by.
Gay relationships are a different ballgame than straight ones. We live in an oversexed culture. We play by different rules. You will see that cheating is not on this list — I do not see it as a terminal sign. If my guy gets drunk and bangs someone in the back of a club, I see that not as a lapse in judgment as much as a natural result of his physiology. Cheating can be talked through and forgiven. Romantic infidelity is a different story — more on that later.
Browse these 16 signs that your gay relationship is almost certainly at an end, and if something feels uncomfortably familiar, it’s time to have a talk.
A Word of Warning From Writer Alexander Cheves
My name is Alexander Cheves, and I am known by friends in the kink and leather community as Beastly. I am a sex-positive writer and blogger. The views in this slideshow do not reflect those of The Advocate and are based solely on my own experiences. As with everything I write, the intent of this piece is to break down the stigmas surrounding the sex lives of gay men.
Those who are sensitive regarding frank discussions about sex are invited to click elsewhere, but consider this: If you are outraged by content that addresses sex openly and honestly, I invite you to examine this outrage and ask yourself whether it should instead be directed at those who oppress us by policing our sexuality.
For all others, enjoy the slideshow. And feel free to leave your own suggestions for sex and dating topics in the comments.
Hungry for more? Follow me on Twitter @BadAlexCheves and visit my blog, The Beastly Ex-Boyfriend.