There's a beautiful saying that has grown popular in online fandoms: "If we want the rewards of being loved, we have to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known." (Fun fact: the NY Times essay this quote comes from was inspired by an unkind comment accidentally emailed to the author after he rented a herd of goats and got really excited about it. Worth a read.)
This week’s episode of Schitt's Creek examines that idea in excruciating detail, as David and Patrick go through an embarrassing moment in their relationship and Moira tries her hand at social media marketing for the Crows movie.
The episode begins early morning in Patrick's apartment; and let me tell you, nothing makes Schitt's Creek viewers happier than a domestic scene with Patrick and David cuddled up asleep together — a mood that gets brutally murdered when David wakes up and realizes he wet the bed. (Ew, David.)
A full-blown freakout and seven showers later, Patrick struggles to convince his horrified fiancé that the accident is nothing to be ashamed of, while trying and failing to sneak a plastic cover onto his expensive mattress in case it happens again.
You want a beautiful, romantic conclusion to this love story? You better be prepared to die of secondhand embarrassment before we get there.
Meanwhile, the press rollout for Moira's movie The Crows Have Eyes III: The Crowening is in full swing, and Netfli— I mean Interflix wants her to do a social media takeover on their account. Alexis, acting as Moira's publicist, steps in to manage the project, which is an absolute gift to anyone who's worked in social media or even spent a decent amount of time on Instagram. "I've dated enough mid-level latte art influencers to know what the people want," she says breezily, as I fall in love with her forever.
It would be a lot easier to laugh at Moira's complete ignorance about what "going viral" means and how emojis work if I wasn't legitimately distressed that there's no crow emoji. Might have to email the Unicode Consortium about it.
An awkward morning at Rose Apothecary gets ten times worse when Moira comes swanning in with her phone, recording David and Patrick for her livestream on the Interflix account. Despite her belief that social media is "an amusement park for clinical narcissists," she's getting the hang of it and enjoying the attention from her overly enthusiastic #frans (fans who are also her friends, see what she did there?) "Especially you, WineAndCatGal74! I do hope you stop crying soon!"
Dan Levy frequently interacts with his fans on social media. Like, a lot. I'm feeling very seen right now and I'm not sure I like it.
Moira eventually puts the phone down, notices the tension in the air and figures out David's "nighttime oopsie-daisy" situation, which sends the poor guy fleeing from the store. She explains to Patrick that this childhood problem was usually triggered by excited anticipation over things like Christmas and birthdays, and now the wedding must have brought it back. It's a bizarrely sweet conversation, and I can't watch it without putting my hands over my face.
Don't you love these full-circle moments? Way back in Season 1 we watched Johnny and Roland embarrassing themselves at a funeral, and now here they are, embarrassing themselves at a funeral. Only this time there's no Moira singing "Danny Boy" to bail them out of it.
Eager to build another business empire now that the Rosebud Motel is taking off, Johnny drives Roland and Stevie to a neighboring town to look at another motel that just went up for sale. They're ushered inside, only to find out the motel is on the market because the owner just died and is laid out in a casket in the front lobby. His wife quickly realizes that they're not friends of the family, and assumes they've come to shake her down for money from her husband's shady business deals, like a small town Canadian version of Widows.
Not the most confidence-inspiring start to a new investment — particularly when Stevie looks downright alarmed at the idea.
This is the part of the episode where I go from hiding my face to hiding under the desk, because Alexis discovers that Moira didn't shut off the livestream before talking to Patrick about David's accident, and his most humiliating moment has been broadcast across the internet — a bone-chilling nightmare that everybody is afraid of but nobody wants to talk about. Leave it to this show to play that vulnerability for all it's worth.
Fortunately for all of us, it turns out David is oblivious to what's going on, because he quit social media after settling down in Schitt's Creek. That surprised me at first, but fits nicely with his character growth if you think about it. "All we need to do is keep David off the internet for like 24 hours," Alexis tells Patrick at an emergency huddle at the cafe, "or until a celebrity says something wrong, which could be any minute."
Patrick still has to tell her three times to take the post down, though. I'd be kind of annoyed with her if I wasn't emotionally exhausted already.
Schitt's Creek fans have been feeling pretty protective of Stevie since last week, when she admitted to Alexis that she wants to broaden her horizons and see more of the world. Now we get to the moment we've been hoping for and kind of dreading at the same time: she gathers her courage and tells Johnny she's not sure she wants to commit to his big plans for the Rosebud Motel. "Maybe there's something more out there for me," she says — and that's been clear ever since her performance in Cabaret last season, but does that mean she's going to leave? What would the town even be like without her?
It also occurs to me that since Johnny wasn't particularly close with David and Alexis before they moved to Schitt's Creek, this is basically the first time he's ever felt like a proud dad watching his child head out into the world on her own. It's a lot to think about, and we're only on Episode 2.
Have we all taken a moment to gush about Patrick yet?
He really proves himself to be husband material in this episode, like we needed more convincing. He pulls David out of a spiral by gently teasing him without invalidating his feelings, he's already part of the family enough to get a bit stern with Alexis, and now Patrick makes David feel better by revealing an embarrassing secret about himself: he sleeps with a mouth guard and an anti-snoring nose clip when David isn't looking. I don't know how that manages to be adorable, but it is.
It's great to see more of Patrick's sense of humor these days. Kelly Connolly over at TV Guide declared this the "season of Noah Reid," and I'm fully on board with that — he's always been charming and funny, but now his comedic timing really gets to shine, no small feat when you have the entire Rose family to play against. It feels like Patrick has relaxed a lot since he came out to his parents last season, embracing his new life with David and a happier, more emotional side of himself.
"The rewards of being loved," in other words. Enjoy.