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#AskTyler: All I Want for Christmas Is a Boyfriend

#AskTyler: All I Want for Christmas Is a Boyfriend

AskTyler: All I Want for Christmas Is a Boyfriend

Is the desire to be in a relationship only natural, or are there other factors at play?

Jeffrey from Arizona writes, "I'm 28 and have been single for a year now. Every guy that I meet is either a total dick or blows me off after sex. I just want a boyfriend! But is it even possible these days?"

So, Jeff, the short answer is yes. But it sounds like you are in a funk and, to be quite honest, acting a little desperate. So, you have been single for a year? That's nothing! You are far too young to be this down and out about being single for the holidays. So if you ask me, there is something else going on here.

Answer me this: Why are you so intent on getting a boyfriend? I usually found that when I was really looking for someone else, it was because I wasn't comfortable with being alone with myself. It's not that I didn't love myself, but I just didn't know myself all too well. It's great that you are open to a new relationship, but while you are waiting, you should be enjoying this time with your friends. And more importantly, you should be making the most of your time with yourself.

Tell me, have you ever had your heart broken? Have you ever been stuck in a relationship with a person who was absolutely terrible for you, but you didn't know how to get out? If you have, then you should understand that it's a million times better to be happy alone than unhappily coupled. If you haven't, then consider yourself lucky that you have gotten this far without suffering from the agony of getting rid of some horrible ex-boyfriend. It really sucks, and it's exactly what will happen if you are looking for a relationship for a relationship's sake.

Relationships can be amazing, and falling in love is the best. But if all it took to fix the problems in your life was a boyfriend, then we would all be coupled, and we would have never left our first boyfriends to begin with. If all you want is to be one part of a couple, that's easy to find. But if you want a relationship that's worth staying in, you should spend some time learning to be happy with yourself, completely alone, no backup boys allowed.

Here's the catch. When you do find someone to love and who loves you the right way, it is going to be awesome, but it also means the end of "just you." There is a freedom and frivolity about being 28 and single. You have the freedom to explore your interests and you don't have to make anyone happy but yourself. If you can, stop yourself from incessantly thinking ahead and harping on what you don't have, and enjoy this moment. It can be a really great one, if you let it.

A good relationship isn't just something you can go out and get. It is something that happens when you have found your best self. When you don't need anyone else, you can trust yourself to identify the person who is right for you. Until then, raise a glass to being young and single.

It's about as cliche as it is true -- he will come once you stop looking.

TYLER CURRY is an activist and the author of A Peacock Among Pigeons, a new children's book that celebrates diversity. Get your copy at He is also the senior editor of HIV Equal, a comprehensive online publication dedicated to promoting HIV awareness and combating HIV stigma. To learn more about HIV Equal, visit or follow Tyler Curry on Facebook or Twitter @iamtylercurry.

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