Stephen Colbert was in prime form Tuesday night when riffing on the marriage equality cases being heard by the Supreme Court this week, warning of “gay-mageddon” and “a sea of hedonism” if the court strikes down anti-equality laws.
“I shudder to think that the unnatural coupling of same-sex partners may be put on the same legal footing as my loving relationship with my gun,” he said in his faux-conservative pundit persona on The Colbert Report, then whispered “You complete me” to a handgun.
“Folks, if we lose either of these two cases, it will be the gay-mageddon,” he continued. “America, lost in a sea of hedonism.”
He went on to say that the Bible “clearly says marriage is between one man and that man’s rib,” and with support for marriage equality “surging like Ryan Gosling in my dreams,” that “if our Founding Fathers knew about the advancement of the gay agenda, they’d be spinning in their silk pantaloons.”
He also discussed the opposition to marriage equality by “Georgia senator and noise Bill Cosby makes when he gets up out of a chair, Saxby Chambliss.” Chambliss recently answered a question about the issue by saying, “I’m not gay, so I’m not going to marry one.” Colbert said, “Suck on that, gays. … Saxby Chambliss isn’t going to marry you, ergo, you don’t get to marry anyone,” then added, “By his own logic, no marriage is legitimate except marriage to Saxby Chambliss.”
Colbert gets off even more great lines in the segment, so watch the video below.