Joan Rivers Better Work

Have you ever experimented with another woman?
I always liked men. I wish I could say, “Gee, there was this counselor ... ” But it never happened for me. Will it ever happen? Who knows? If Lily Tomlin had shown up with a ring, who knows what might’ve happened? But it would’ve had to be a big ring.

In the late ’50s, you played a lesbian opposite Barbra Streisand in the off-off-Broadway play Driftwood. If you played another lesbian role today, whom would you want cast as your love interest?
My daughter Melissa. Let’s really make it good.

Betty White’s too old for you?
And also not my type. She’s too Midwestern for me.

Speaking of Betty, she’s starring in another sitcom at 88. After your reality show, Mother Knows Best, would you like to do a sitcom?
I’d love to do a real sitcom — or a movie. I’m hoping Meryl Streep will get sick somewhere along the line, just for a minute, so they’ll give me her part.

You worked with Ryan Murphy when you played a fictionalized version of yourself on Nip/Tuck. Would you like to appear on Glee?
Ryan is a genius, so I’d do Glee in a second. Anyone who doesn’t want to go on the number 1 show is an idiot. I’ve only seen it once, so I don’t know what I’d play, but it would probably be somebody’s curmudgeon grandmother. I’d leave it to Ryan to come up with something clever. After all, he’s the one who came up with the idea of my wanting to go backwards on plastic surgery.


Joan Rivers performs for gay pride June 24 at the Gramercy Theatre, 127 E. 23rd St., in New York. She also appears July 7 through August 19 at the Laurie Beechman Theatre, 407 W. 42nd St. For tickets and more info, call (212) 352-3101 or visit SpinCycleNYC.com. Net proceeds benefit God’s Love We Deliver and Guide Dogs for the Blind.