Rafe Judkins appeared to be in the driver’s seat in the just-completed 11th season of Survivor, set in the Mayan ruins of Guatemala. Judkins, who is openly gay, was a member of the powerful six-person alliance that was poised to dominate the final phases of the competition, won four individual immunity challenges, and had a secret secondary alliance with the program’s eventual winner, Kansas sports radio personality Danni Boatwright.
But after
outwitting, outplaying, and outlasting 15 other competitors,
Judkins made a critical mental error in the final immunity
challenge and quickly followed that up by announcing
that Boatwright was no longer beholden to their
alliance, a move that ultimately led to her voting him
out during Sunday’s two-hour season finale.
Just 12 hours after watching Boatwright claim
Survivor: Guatemala’s million-dollar
prize, Judkins, the 22-year-old wilderness guide from
Providence, R.I., talks with Advocate.com about his play in
the game, whether he was misjudged by his fellow competitors
because of his sexual orientation, and if—in
the end—he was simply too nice to dominate a
game that calls for deviousness, dishonesty, and
selfishness.
Rafe, we were so excited to see you make the final three
and were really rooting for you to take home the
million-dollar prize. Do you think you made any
mistakes at the very end of the game that led to you
being the last player voted out?
No, I don’t think so. The problem was that after
the tribes merged, people started talking and no one
wanted to go to the final two with me. So my strategy
was to take the two people to the final three that were
the most likely to take me to the end, and that was Danni
and Stephenie [LaGrossa]. So I did what I could to
make sure we were in the final three together.
In the final immunity challenge [an endurance challenge
that required the players to balance on a
swiveling board], you seemed to be struggling
early on. Was it more difficult than you expected?
My balance, as you saw me fall several times on the
show, is not fantastic. And when [host] Jeff [Probst]
announced it was a balance competition, I was like,
OK, this is over. The funny thing was, though, that I
actually won the balance part of the challenge—I was
the last person balancing. It was when we ended up
leaning against the poles that I just kind of had a
little mental lapse.
Yeah, we wanted to ask you about that. [In trying to find
a better position to balance himself on the board,
Rafe used his hands to help steady himself, which
was prohibited and resulted in his being eliminated
from the competition.] From the look on your face when
you were eliminated, you genuinely seemed not to
have realized what had just happened.
You know, I just wasn’t thinking for a couple of
seconds. By that point, we had been out there for an
hour and were able to touch the pole the whole time,
and then all of a sudden we couldn’t touch it
anymore. I didn’t even realize I had done it,
and when Jeff pointed out that I had, I was like,
What?! And then I realized what I had done. But you know,
watching some of the old Survivor seasons, that kind
of thing happened a lot. I guess I need to call some
of those people and ask them how they’re doing
now [laughs].
When Danni won the competition, you immediately released
her from the promise you two had shared to take
each other to the final two. We were shocked, as
it seemed you had secured at least a second-place
finish. Why did you give up a guaranteed spot in
the finals?
It really wasn’t giving it up. I wanted to let
her know that she should make her decision on what she
wanted to make it on. I wanted her to be able to
respect herself later. I didn’t want to demand that
she give me a million dollars. I did want her to take
me, but I didn’t want to force her to take me.
But I really did think she would take me.
Yeah, we could tell that you were surprised that Danni
voted you out. But if you really wanted her to
vote with her heart, why did it surprise you?
She winked at me before tribal council! [Editors note:
This was not shown on the program.] So I’m
sitting there the whole time thinking, This is great!
I’m going to the finals! And then I saw my name
written down and was like, Ummm…OK. Apparently
it was a wink telling me that she still loved me, not
that she was taking me to the final two! But I was
surprised because even in tribal council she was talking
about how Rafe deserves it more, and that if I go with
my heart, I’m taking Rafe. And then my name
came up and I was out.
From watching the finale, it seemed that Danni won by
default—that Stephenie was so disliked by
the members of the jury that Danni’s win was
more a vote against Stephenie than it was for her.
Knowing that, do you wish you had challenged Danni
in the final two?
Oh, yeah. I would have loved to be up against Danni in
the finals. But it didn’t work out that way.
Danni knew she could beat Steph in the finals;
that’s why she took her.
But you voted for Steph. [Editor’s note: Rafe was
the only member of the seven-person jury to vote
for LaGrossa to win.] Was it because you were
upset with Danni for voting you out?
As soon as I was voted out, Danni knew—everyone
knew—that she didn’t have my vote. I
mean, Steph had been completely loyal to me, and Danni
voted me out in the final three. I don’t think there
was any way I could have voted for her after that.
In the final episode, we saw a Mayan family perform a
sacred ritual for you and your tribe mates during
which a live chicken was sacrificed—and you
all were told you were not to eat the chicken because
of its importance in the ritual. Hours later, the other
three contestants devoured the chicken, but you
didn’t. Why did you choose not to?
You know, it was day 38, we had just one day left, and I
was thinking, I don’t need it that much. I
talked a lot about how the sacrifice had been very
important to me—it was such an important part of
the Mayan culture, and it was such a powerful experience to
be a part of that. But we also thought we would be
eating it—and they were pouring honey on it,
and there was chocolate and herbs. We really did think we
were going to be eating it right up until they told us we
couldn’t. I guess it was just a very powerful
experience for me, and maybe less so for the others.
But I totally understand that, and I’m OK with that.
Looking back, do you think eating the chicken—a
much-needed source of protein—may have
helped give you a bit more strength for the final
endurance competition?
I don’t think so. We were all hurting so badly
out there. They didn’t show it, but when I was
eliminated from the competition I couldn’t move
for five minutes, my legs hurt so much. And we had to carry
Steph away from the competition because she
couldn’t walk at all. So I think we all were
pretty much in the same situation.
You were a member of what appeared to be a dominating
six-person alliance that should have swept its way
to the finals. And yet, one of the players outside
your alliance won the game. What happened?
No one from my alliance wanted to go to the end with me,
and I knew I was toast with them. I had to figure out
some way to get to the end, and that was to go with
Danni [who was not a member of his alliance]. And
Steph and I pretty much had 100% trust in each other, and I
knew she’d also take me to the final three.
With the rest of the alliance, no one would have done
that, and I knew I needed to look outside it.
There seemed to be a genuine feeling among the members of
your alliance whom you helped to vote
out—Jamie [Newton], Judd [Sergeant], Cindy
[Hall], and Lydia [Morales]—that they were
stabbed in the back, and most of the blame fell on
Stephenie. How did you manage to avoid taking the
heat when you voted the exact same way she did?
I think part of it was that there was a little bit of
resentment toward Steph that she was even there in the
first place. [Editor’s note: Both LaGrossa and
Bobby Jon Drinkard had competed in the previous season
of Survivor and were brought back by the producers for a
second season.] I really was genuine with everyone. It
was a very competitive group, and I think in the end
people just thought, Yeah, Rafe got me first before I
could get him.
You and Lydia seemed to have emerged as the “nice
guys” of this season’s competition.
Was that a part of your strategy, or were we just
seeing the real Rafe?
Survivor tears away everything, and what you end up
with is who everyone really is at their core. You have
to work your strategy around that. I knew that, as a
nice guy, I would be able to use that to make good
alliances, but you really can’t fake that. People are
just who they are out there.
One of the moments that sort of defined your
good-heartedness on the show was when Cindy was
faced with choosing a new SUV for herself or
giving up the car and awarding the other four remaining
players with new cars instead. She kept it, and
you seemed surprised, as you said you would have
chosen to give the other players cars in a heartbeat.
Yeah. For me, I just didn’t understand how you
could keep one car for yourself and not give away four
to other people. And I do think it would have been a
good strategic move for Cindy, because I think it would have
saved her for at least one more tribal council. It was
interesting, because I was able to talk with Cindy
about why she did it and find out more about the
reasons someone would do something that was so different
from the way I would have done it. At first, I just
didn’t understand it at all.
It seemed like it was a little deeper than you not
understanding it, that you were actually upset
about it. Did that play any role in you voting her
out at the next tribal council?
No, not at all. Cindy and I were so close to each other
out there and we knew that we were each other’s
toughest competition. If she had given up the cars, it
would have made it harder to vote for her. But she was
already up on the block before that happened; it’s
not like that’s why she ended up in that
position.
Looking back, do you think you were too nice in the game?
Do you think if you had been more devious and
dishonest that you could have won the million dollars?
I wanted to go out there and come back with no regrets,
and I did. That’s a pretty powerful thing to
say about a thing like Survivor, to be able to
be proud of the way you played and how you treated people.
Actually, Jeff told me in three or four tribal councils that
I was being too nice! But that’s just me. I was
just being myself.
From the earliest episodes, it was obvious that your
tribe mates knew that you’re gay, but we
didn’t see you actually talk with them about it.
How did you break the news to the other competitors?
It was kind of funny: The first day during the hike
through the jungle [Editor’s note: The first
reward competition on the program required the
contestants to hike for 11 miles through thick Guatemalan
jungle] Jamie said to me, “Rafe is a sexy name. Do
you get a lot of girls with that name?” And I
was like, “Um, no.” And then he said,
“Do you get a lot of guys?” And I was
like, “Sometimes.” [Laughs] Later, we
sat down in the jungle and introduced ourselves to each
other. And Amy [O’Hara] said, “Say your
name, where you’re from, and if you’re gay or
straight.” [Laughs] Definitely, for some of
them, it was obvious they hadn’t met a gay
person before.
What was their reaction?
It was very positive. I was kind of worried about
meeting some of the other tribe’s members
later, like Judd and a couple of the other guys, but I
was completely open about myself and was completely
confident in myself. I think they saw that confidence
and knew they also could have confidence in me.
You won four immunity challenges on the show, more than
any other player. Do you think you were misjudged
as not posing a physical threat in the challenges
because you were gay?
Oh, definitely! At the beginning, all of the guys were
talking that I wasn’t going to be a big threat,
and I just let them think that. If you think that
because I’m gay I’m not going to kick your
butt in the immunity challenges, you’re so
wrong! I won half of the immunities, and actually some
of the guys were a little bit sore about it.
Did that perception ever change as you showed you were
capable of beating all of them in both mental and
physical challenges?
You didn’t really see it on the show, but after
the second immunity people were always talking about
how big a threat I was. No one wanted to go to the end
with me. Really, the first time they showed it was at the
tribal council where Cindy was voted out, but people had
been talking a lot about voting me out way before
then. Judd, when he was talking about voting out the
strongest players, was definitely coming after me when I
didn’t have immunity.
You also seemed to bond much more closely with the women
on the program. Was that a strategic move by you,
or was it just easier for you to connect with them
than with some of the guys?
It wasn’t strategic, it was just the people I
felt closest with, and the people who were less
threatened by me. It was the guys who were talking
about me being such a threat—Judd and Gary [Hogeboom]
and even Jamie, to some extent. I mean, it did play
into strategy, because the women didn’t see me
as being as big a threat, but I really was just
closest with them.
We saw from your bio on the CBS Web site that you were
born into a large Mormon family. Are you still a
practicing Mormon?
I’m not a practicing Mormon, but my whole family
is. I’m as close as you can be to a practicing
Mormon without being one.
The Mormon church is notoriously antigay, and yet we saw
from seeing your mom briefly on one of the
episodes and from the message your family left for
you that was played after you were voted out that your
family is very supportive of you. Has your
sexuality posed any problems with them,
particularly given that they are Mormon?
At first it was really difficult, because in my entire
extended family I was the first gay person
they’ve ever known. For my mom, I was too. And
they had so many associations in their heads of what gay
meant, and thought that since I’m gay I must be
all of those things as well. A great thing about this
show is that, for my extended family, it really gives
them a chance to see who I am and help fight some of those
ideas they may have about gay people.
We got the impression that you didn’t really go on
the show to prove anything about yourself to
anyone—that you were simply comfortable with
yourself and your sexuality. Was it that comfort level
that made your sexuality pretty much a nonissue on
the show?
I think so, because I think a lot of gay people feel
that they have something to prove, and I
didn’t. I’m totally fine with who I am and
I’m very confident in myself, and that did make
it a complete nonissue out there where no one cared at
all. And there was plenty of opportunity for them to
do so! But when I went into casting, I told them,
“Don’t put me on the show because
I’m a gay guy. Put me on because I’m a guy who
just happens to be gay.”
Some of us Survivor fans were talking early on
that you really did seem to be sort of the
ultimate poster boy for gay men and women on
reality TV—you were strong, smart, charmed your
way into the hearts of your fellow competitors and
the show’s viewers, and sort of personified
the message that gay people are no different from anyone
else. Was that something that you had hoped to
accomplish by appearing on the show?
I love reality TV, so I watch all the shows. I really do
see that there are a lot of gay people on reality TV
that aren’t confident in themselves or
comfortable with themselves, or that they feel they have to
go on TV to prove something because of their sexuality. That
ends up just causing drama. I wanted to go on TV and
be the gay guy all the people in the red states can
root for. And you know, I was in Kansas last week, and
people were coming up to me and telling me that I was their
favorite! That’s really amazing when you think
about it.
If there is one message you hope viewers—both gay
and straight—took away from your
participation on Survivor, what would it be?
I would hope people would be able to look at me out
there and see that gay people can be strong and
confident and successful. If more people had
confidence in themselves and the decisions they make, the
better they’ll do in life. I really hope people will
be able to see that.
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