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Confirmed as a solitary Christian
Our high school diarist recalls his unceremonious ejection from his church just as he was ready for confirmation—excommunication without ritual. It shook his faith in the church, but not in God.
An Advocate.com exclusive posted July 20, 2006
Confirmed as a solitary Christian

Satre is a junior at Notre Dame Academy, a private Catholic high school in Middleburg, Va., and the founder of the Virginia LGBT activist group Equality Fauquier-Culpeper. He writes regular journal entries for The Advocate.

Excommunication may be the most violent word in the intricate vocabulary of Catholicism.

Although the Catholic Church has specific doctrine for the process and analysis of excommunication, some petty diocesan priests have bestowed upon themselves the responsibility of performing the deed, something I have myself experienced.

We have come to a point in history when ceremony and ritual have become dying entities of the past. A gay couple in Tulsa, Okla., does not need to have their relationship celebrated in a church to know that they are married; their union is blessed by the minority of society. Children need not be baptized to know they are free to make their own choices from once being pure; their only original sin is the stain of human nature that binds them to the animal instinct.

I have a solid memory of being told—by a white-collared, black-clad priest of about 30 years—that I was not welcome in the church because of my position on homosexuality. He stood keenly over me, forcing me to cower in the corner on a stark wooden chair. “This church does not welcome you,” he repeated to me in as flamboyant a voice as he could muster.

I have such a dark memory of eighth grade. I had been studying since the beginning of the school year to receive the Sacrament of Confirmation in the Catholic Church. I was stoked. This would officially confirm me into the church as an adult ready to take on the responsibilities of a Christian life.

Earlier that year I had been outed by my school’s administration to my parents and to what seemed like the world. Now I was facing the pain of getting used to a new life—a brutally honest life to the community around me. Was it on the news? Everyone knew that I was gay—or at least my experiences that year made me feel that way. Why did all these people seem to care? And why did others not care at all? There were so many questions that no one could answer.

At the same time I was off twice a week—in addition to daily religion class—to train for Confirmation. I learned so much at these classes. I learned how to dodge blatant hatred, how to avoid being brutally beaten by various cliques of jocks. I acquired the skill of tactfully sneaking away from groups, learned how not to choke while being dragged across the floor by one of the staff monitors, and even managed to develop an attitude and a shell that led me to become independent of friendship.

During a period of five months I transformed into a different person. No longer was I the shy boy who had recently been outed and was so vulnerable to the constant letdowns that small-town society inflicted on my little teenage life, I was the man who was ready to start a new life as an adult in the church, and I was about to become a freshman in high school.

After I endured five months of brutality from a community of all ages, a priest shook my hand and told me in so few words that I was not welcome in this church. I had passed every class, taken every test, confessed every sin—yet the smallest detail of my life became the largest barrier between myself and the church.

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You can contact Satre at tully@tullysatre.com or via his MySpace page at myspace.com/whitedeosil.
From the archives of The Advocate and Advocate.com

Reader Comments

These comments are reproduced as written by visitors to this Web site. They have not been edited for content, grammar, or spelling. The viewpoints appearing here are those of the writer, and do not necessarily reflect the opinion or views of advocate.com, The Advocate, or its affiliates.

  • Name: Cheryl
    Date posted: 2008-10-16 11:22 AM
    Hometown: Leesburg, VA

    Comment:

    You say you confessed every sin and yet you did not turn away from the sin of homosexuality. It is not enough to confess, but you must also repent or turn away from the sin. The Bible is the word of God. It says, homosexuality is a sin. You can not have Christ as your savior and deny the Bible at the same time. You say you have been kicked out of the church your family has served for years. Christian faith is not inherited or passed down. It is a personal relationship with Christ entered into individually. You don't get "credit" for what your parents do or believe. You want to have your cake and eat it too. You are either a Christian who is discontent with any sin in his life and tries continually to overcome it (including homosexual desires) or you are not a Christian. Find another group or "religion" to belong to because you are deceiving yourself into thinking God approves of your life. God loves you, but he does not love your sin.


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