Best Tweet Ever: Joan Rivers on Beauty Pageants 

\u201cMake a woman laugh and you're halfway there. Pretty sure the other half is bombarding them with text messages and showing up unannounced\u201d

— Jami Smith (@Jami Smith) 1326302368

\u201cIn a world without Twinkies, we'll soon have an entire generation of young gay men who'll have no idea what their nickname means.\u201d

— Dick Rentals (@Dick Rentals) 1326316780

\u201cI think Beyonce should name the baby Ivy Blue if it's a girl, and Blue Ivy if it's a trendy restaurant.\u201d

— Randy Rainbow (@Randy Rainbow) 1326043756

\u201cYou know your friends are alcoholics when you throw a party and ask them to bring mixers and they bring ice.\u201d

— Darienne Lake (@Darienne Lake) 1325977937

\u201cI would totally watch a show called 'The Real Housekeepers Of Beverly Hills'.\u201d

— Jenny Johnson (@Jenny Johnson) 1326469735

\u201cI just looked at my privates with a hand mirror. This explains all the negative comment cards.\u201d

— Jocelyn Plums (@Jocelyn Plums) 1325994018

\u201cI like jury duty because it's a fun reminder that one day my life could be in the hands of a guy wearing Velcro shoes.\u201d

— Artie Johann (@Artie Johann) 1326476700

\u201cWhenever I watch porn, I'm like, will they or won't they!!!!!\u201d

— Megan Amram (@Megan Amram) 1326065746

\u201cIn honor of Miss California USA's first two openly lesbian contestants, all beauty pageants will now feature a pantsuit competition.\u201d

— Joan Rivers (@Joan Rivers) 1326472598