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6 Dating Dilemmas for Gay Men and How to Avoid Them

6 Dating Dilemmas for Gay Men and How to Avoid Them


Love isn't always easy. Here are some tips for making it work.

We have all been through our fair share of dating blunders, pitfalls and disasters. If you are single, it is easy to get discouraged after a few too many dating disappointments.

But fret not, because there are men out there who are just like you, and it only takes finding one to make you forget all the other failed attempts at love.

However, even if you find a guy who seems to be a right fit, you still might run into more than a few dilemmas that can cause you to break up if you don't know what to look out for. Here are a few pitfalls to avoid, and how to avoid them.


You are in drastically different income brackets.

When someone makes a significantly greater amount of money than the other, it can create a power struggle than may leave the "less fortunate" of the two feeling "less than." When all of a sudden, you are going to restaurants you can't afford and destinations that are out of reach for your own wallet, it can make you feel more like a purchased good than an equal partner. To put an end to this, strike a balance in the budget. If you two are meant for each other, work on doing things together where both of you can contribute. Sure, it may not be dollar-for-dollar. But if one of you swings for the coffee date on Tuesday, the fancy dinner on Friday will be way more fun and way less of an issue for both of you.


One of you is a homebody, the other is a party boy.

It only makes sense that the quiet boy in the corner becomes the object of affection for the life of the party. The law of opposites attract has always been finite, which means it may come with some difficulties when it is implemented. When the wallflower falls in love with the party boy, the struggle to strike a balance in this couple's social life can be quite difficult. This is why both men need to value trust and independence above all. Because if this relationship is going to work, both parties will need to be comfortable with the extroverted one going out for drinks with the guys, while the homebody curls up with Netflix every now and again.


You are both passive in bed.

This little dilemma is one that doesn't make itself evident until a few months into the relationship. After the excitement of the first kisses and the frantic, clumsy foreplay settles, you realize that neither of you is really the initiator when it comes to sex in a steady relationship. At first, you think it is because sex isn't the only important factor to you both. But after one or two weeks go by, you realize that one of you is going to have to pull the trigger, if you are ever going to make this work. Luckily, this dilemma is an easy fix, if the rest of the relationship is going well. Communicate about what you want, make sex a priority, and discover that dominant side of yourself. This is one problem that can be very fun to solve.


You don't get along with his friends.

In the beginning of any romance, this problem is almost a non-issue. The focus is still on deciding if you two are a good match, rather than measuring compatability with his friend circle. But the moment things do start to get serious is when the opinions of his friends come into play. Sometimes, the redefining of boundaries between your boyfriend and his friends can be difficult, if they are used to him being perpetually single. Other times, his friends may think that they can just wait you out until you are no longer in the picture. But no matter the issue, put your best game face on and just keep trying to find common ground. If you know that you have tried your darnedest to befriend his circle, then it is up to him to flesh out any remaining uncertainties his gaggle may have.


You have different communication styles.

Whether it is due to an age difference or a brain difference, having two different communication problems can cause quite the unwanted turmoil in a relationship. If he likes to call and you prefer texting, you two can easily mistake each other's preference as a sign of neglect. But just like any language, it is relatively easy to learn someone else's communication style. And if the two of you are truly a match, picking up the phone instead of sending a text is a pretty easy way to keep your significant other smiling.


You have different HIV statuses.

It doesn't matter if the chemistry is off the charts, a budding relationship where two people have different HIV statuses can prove to be quite the quandary if the parties aren't abreast on the topic. But out of all of the dating dilemmas, this one can be the easiest to quash. For the HIV-negative man, always ask questions and never make assumptions. You do not have to be ashamed because you want to remain safe and keep your negative status. For the HIV-positive man, be open and allow for your mate to get comfortable with this dynamic, but never feel guilty or as if he is doing you a favor by staying with you. Be understanding of his fears, but never doubt the value that you bring into the relationship.

30 Years of Out100Out / Advocate Magazine - Jonathan Groff & Wayne Brady

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