19 vice president picks for Donald Trump that would be better than JD Vance

19 VP picks for Trump that would be better than JD Vance

It was a weatherless morning on Slack when our editor Alex asked us who we thought would be a good vice president pick for former President Donald Trump.

When "no one" wasn't an acceptable answer, we started throwing out other names. "Spiro T. Agnew," my coworker Donald said. I'm in my 20s, so I had to Google him, but it's not like the real candidates are getting shut down for being too old. "Elon Musk," Nikki suggested. The humor was undercut when we realized the probability of many of these options being selected was above zero.

Several hours and one unproductive workday later, we came up with this list. Our picks may seem nonsensical, but now that Trump has announced Ohio Senator JD Vance as his pick, we can guarantee that we put more thought into this than he did .

And if you don't like our selection, look into JD Vance's record. We're sure it's much better.

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Joe Exotic

These two have a lot in common, from their status as convicted felons to their love of bad box bleach. They also each have an arch nemesis in a blonde liberal woman.

Kid Rock

We've tried the reality stars — it's time we give musicians a shot. Besides, it's not like he could produce something worse than Bad Reputation.

QAnon Shaman

The vice presidency could offer Jacob Chansley an alternative way to break into Capital Hill.

Mr. Burns

Mr. Burns has blocked out the sun for energy profit, given a trillion dollar bill to Fidel Castro, and attempted to kill multiple beloved Simpsons characters – and Trump’s record is still worse.

Sam the Eagle

I always knew he was a Republican.

The MyPillow guy (we forget his name)

It’s not like this guy could make an impact on the country – he couldn’t even make an impact selling bedding.

Mayor McCheese

You scoff, but he’s one of the few here with actual political experience. He might be able to do a decent job, if Trump doesn’t mistake him for his daily McDonald’s.

The Hamburglar

This fast food mascot is more Trump's speed – a hamburger lover and criminal.

Kitara Ravanche

Still waiting for George Santos to pull a Mrs. Doubtfire on Congress and sneak back in as his drag persona.

Dog the Bounty Hunter

Well, Trump wants to be tough on crime...

And their reality shows were more similar than you remember – both centered around terrorizing people they held authority over for profit.

Mr. Krabs

We need at least one successful businessman in the White House.

Freddy Krueger

Somehow, a second Trump presidency is still scarier than whatever they have happening on Elm Street.

Selina Meyer

On second thought, Julia Louis-Dreyfus’ Veep character is probably overqualified for this list.

Homelander

If we're going to be forced to listen to two authoritarian narcissists day after day, shouldn't one of them at least be attractive?

Caitlyn Jenner

South Park called this one long before any of us. Hey, whatever keeps her off the roads and away from conservative talk shows.

Christian Ziegler, Bridget Ziegler, and whoever else they convince to come along

This pick is a three-in-one.

Oscar the grouch

Oscar's trashcan is representative of where we'll all be in November if Trump wins the election.

Tanya McQuoid

Would you rather be trapped at the White Lotus or the White House? We know Tanya McQuoid's answer. Plus she comes with all the evil gays as a bonus.

The ball pit from Dashcon

Every American unhappy with the mismanagement of the country gets an extra hour in the ball pit.